You decided to become parents together. You decided to adopt or foster together. You started this journey as a team - a united front!
Then the daily struggles began and being a parent wasn’t feeling like you thought it would. The tools you had were not working. The questioning of your ability to be Mom or Dad played over and over in your mind. Feeling alone and hopeless a lot of the time becomes overwhelming and too common.
The next thing you know you are blaming and criticizing each other. Dads often say they don’t even know their wives anymore and Moms report that their husbands don't get it. Parenting a hurt child often adds a lot of stress to a marriage and many times can be the demise! You have got to stick together!
Here are 4 quick ways to ensure you are seen and felt as a safe United Front:
1. Greet each other first.
2. She hasn’t changed…she is fighting an important, but incredibly difficult, battle. Know that many times hurt kids have a different relationship with every adult in their life. Studies are showing more and more that the adoptive or foster Mom gets more of the behavioral and emotional brunt of the challenge.
3. In order to get it, you have to Intentionally Parent. Have a check-in system. One parent checks in with the other before returning home to get the feel for what is going on at the moment. Start preparing to connect with the other adult so as not to allow Triangulation to happen.
4. Move your own “stuff” so that you are not adding to the spin!
5. Always remember to look at your “whole” child!
Remember…together you can create a safe and consistent environment for your child. Together you can commit to No MATTER WHAT and for as long as it takes! Together you can help your child heal!
INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE TOGETHER! Choose to be a United Front!