You decided to become parents together. You decided to adopt or foster together. You started this journey as a team - a united front!
Then the daily struggles began and being a parent wasn’t feeling like you though it would. The tools you had weren't working. The questioning of your ability to be parents played over and over in your mind. Feeling alone and hopeless a lot of the time becomes overwhelming and too common.
The next thing you know you are blaming and criticizing each other. One partner often says they don’t even know the other anymore, while others report that their spouse just doesn’t get it.
Parenting a hurt child often adds a lot of stress to a marriage and many times can be the demise! You have got to stick together!
Here are 5 quick ways to ensure you are seen and felt as a safe United Front:
1. Greet each other first.
2. Your Spouse hasn’t changed…they are fighting an important, but incredibly difficult battle.
Know that many times hurt kids have a different relationship with every adult in their life. Studies are showing more and more that the adoptive or foster Primary Attachment Figure gets more of the behavioral and emotional brunt of the challenge.
3. In order to get it, you have to Intentionally Parent.
Have a check in system. One parent checks in with the other before returning home to get the feel for what is going on at the moment. Start preparing to connect with the other adult so as not to allow Triangulation to happen.
4. Move your own “stuff” so that you are not adding to the spin!
Have expectations your child can actually meet so that they can succeed. You have to do it differently.
5. Always remember to look at your “whole” child!
Don’t get caught in only “seeing” the behavior right in front of you.
Remember…together you can create a safe and consistent environment for your child. Together you can commit to No MATTER WHAT and for as long as it takes! Together you can help your child heal!
INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE, TOGETHER!
P.S. - If you'd like more strategies to becoming and staying a United Front, join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. You'll both be equipped and supported like never before.