The other day I was running an errand for my daughter. Picking up a piece of furniture for her, on the other side of the cities. Since I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t have a navigator with me, it was up to me (and Siri of course).
So…I typed in the address and hit go. No map reading needed. No thinking required. Just drive while Siri gave me step by step instructions. Thank goodness for smart phones, right?
If only everything in life was that easy. Imagine if someone was telling us step by step instructions for parenting. Say this. Now do this. Stop here. How easy that would be.
Well…we all know that’s not how it works. But, seriously, so many parents have asked me to give them the what to do and say in the moment. That’s one of the reasons I created the Intentional Parent Coaching Group.
There are classes to take and workshops to attend. Lot of information and great ideas, but so often parents need someone to tweak it for their family. For their child. Someone to help them when they get stuck or to answer their questions now that they’re putting the tools into play.
There are support groups out there. On line and in person. And I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with support. The support of those who get it because they live it. And that’s another reason I started the Intentional Parent Coaching Group.
I truly believe parents need all the parts – the education with tools, a place to get a plan tweaked for your family and your questions answered, and the support that comes from those who get it.
The Intentional Parent Coaching group is made up of all 3 of those parts.
Jump in now, try it for a month, and see what a BIG difference it’ll make.
Can't wait to see you in group!
Have you ever gotten to the point when you actually wondered if your child had more wrong with him then just attachment issues or trauma stuff...like, I mean really scary, sociopath stuff that will never heal?
It's not easy to admit. It's not where we want our lives to be. It's not what we want for our children. However, there can be times of such dis-regulation, sadness, confusion, and aggression that the fear of this possibility sets in for us as parents.
I've talked to so many families who are dealing with the constant struggle with hard behaviors such as lying, stealing, or aggression.
They also report that their children don't feel bad or never says "I'm sorry."
And...it all seems to be getting bigger & bigger. They say the feel LOST and don't know what to do anymore.
They're AFRAID. Afraid it'll never change. Sometimes afraid for their other children. And even afraid for themselves.
I GET IT. We've been there and I never want to experience it again. I never want my children to be that hurt and scared ever again either.
You are not alone. You're not doing it wrong. And most importantly, the majority of the time, your child isn't a budding sociopath.
DON'T Be AFRAID. Fear breeds fear.
When a human being, in this case your child, senses your fear and anxiety, it immediately raises his or hers as well.
When our children are afraid or feel unsafe they fight to gain control - they're survivors. The fight is very real to them. Typically it includes harder behaviors, louder, more painful words, or just plain going away physically and or emotionally and more.
It makes things worse.
Fear sets in when you've exhausted everything you know.
Fear blinds you when you're feeling alone.
Fear feeds off of being emotionally challenged day in and day out.
Fear dictates the quality of your life.
Fear continues to exist as long as we let it...fear needs to be fought off!
YOU CAN STOP BEING AFRAID.
You need tools that work, different tools and strategies then you know right now. If you're afraid of your child or how his future looks it's time to try something new.
When we're doing it alone, it's easy to lose objectivity and clarity, which creates a perfect place for fear to flourish. Fight fear by being surrounded by other people walking your same path. By those who have made it to the other side who can say, "Oh yeah, we lived through that too and it will be okay. Here's what to do and say."
The intensity of this journey can take its toll and fear creeps in the cracks. Being intentional about filling yourself up with support and health will strengthen you to fight off your fears.
Your family deserves Happy and Healthy and fear can rob you of that without a fight. Having an action plan in place that is all about meeting your kiddos right where they're at is how you increase the quality of your life.
The reality of the hurts, fears, sadness, missed milestones, confusion, lack of self-worth, irrational beliefs, and other hurdles your children fight each day can make life daunting.
It does take specialized and intentional parenting.
It does mean we have to show our children they deserve a No Matter What & For As Long As It Takes relationship...which is YOU.
They do get intense and misunderstood. And they do get scary.
The good news is...You CAN handle it and you don't have to be afraid!
This is the kind of stuff the Intentional Parent Coaching Group was created from. The reality that we should not do this alone. The need to discover new ways to parent that meet our children right where they are at. The added strength and power that comes from being surrounded by other Parents who are fighting the same good fight. The clarity that comes with being heard and understood.
I want to personally invite you to come and be a part of my Coaching Group.
Your fears will fade away and all of that energy will be directed into making your healing plan work. Your family will feel the shift you have been looking for.
No More Letting Fear Rule Your Family's Life!
P.S. Unfortunately, there is a very small percentage of children who have been so hurt by their life experiences that living in a family is just too much. It is ultimately our job to keep them and the rest of our family safe (including YOURSELF). I am in no way suggesting that any family should endure physical or emotional abuse.
I know how hard you’re working at helping your kiddo. Ever feel like nothing's working? This journey can be rough at times. Lonely. Exhausting. Defeating. Uncertain. I know because I was there.
Seventeen years ago we brought our girls home. Boy, we there some rocky times. But…we’ve made it to the other side. And along the way, I came up with ways to do it differently. Ways that really worked for my girls. And I want to share them with you. I want to help you.
You don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to stay miserable. You don’t have to settle. I’m reaching my hand out to YOU. Grab hold. Seriously. It can be a whole lot better.
Grab my hand. Let me get you tools that really work.
Grab my hand. Let me get you a plan for your child, for your family.
Grab my hand. Let me hold you up when you can’t take another step.
Grab my hand. Let’s do this together.Let’s get you and your family to HAPPY & HEALTHY.
Join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group and you'll be equipped, empowered, and supported like never before. Let do this together! Join me today.
Oh. My. Gosh. I am so excited to tell you about what's going on this month in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group!
August is all about getting YOU and YOUR FAMILY ready for SCHOOL! And getting SCHOOL ready to help your child succeed!
We are going to continue our study of the impacts of TRAUMA and what they look like in your everyday life...especially at school. Then Stacy will help you tweak your action plan by teaching you tools and strategies that will create the shift you are looking for.
In addition to weekly Live Q&A sessions with Stacy, FREE access to the Learning Library full of Stacy's best selling classes (even the newest class that was made for you to share with family and friends), membership in the Closed Facebook Group and DEEP DISCOUNTS on Private Coaching Sessions with Stacy and membership opportunities in our Focus Groups...Members will get to be the part of some incredible bonuses this month!
Bonus #1 - Live Emotional Age Matters Class. Come and discover your child's emotional age range and I'll give you tools &strategies you can use to help your child heal by meeting him right where he is. This is foundational information for any Intentional Parent that should be measured every 6 months or so to help you accurately consider your whole child.
Bonus # 2 - Members will receive access to a an ebook that you can share with your child's teacher and other support staff. This information will help you teach school personnel how to be an extension of you instead of a replacement for you. It will give them tools and strategies to put in place that will increase your child's success and help to create a trauma sensitive environment for all kids. And much more.
Bonus # 3 - IPCG Members are invited to join Stacy and 6 other Mom's on her exclusive BREATHE Retreat. There is still 1 spot left. We are going to dig deep. Rest. Breathe. Start Fresh. Don't miss this opportunity!
This is going to be a great month. Let's work together to help your child, actually your whole family, have your best school year yet!
Just join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group to have access to these bonuses my newest video class Supporting an Adoptive or Foster Family 10, made to share with your family and friends, Weekly Q&A sessions with me, membership on the CLOSED Facebook Page and to the Learning Library which consists of my 12 top selling classes and SO much more!
Today is YOUR day! Just click the link
Before I adopted my girls, I was part of a mom's group. We had play dates, field trips, and moms night out. My boys loved playing with the other kids and I loved visiting with the other moms while the kiddos all played.
We talked about life. Parenting. The joys and the challenges. It fueled me and gave me a place where I belonged.
Then things changed. We adopted 3 girls. I became a mom to 6 young kids. My girls came with pain, grief, and anxiety. And with that came a lot of behaviors. Needless to say, our day to day changed.
I was exhausted and worn out. But I knew how much better I felt after mom's group so we went. But it was different. It just didn't feel the same.
I was parenting differently. My girls couldn't just go off and play while I checked out and hung out with the other moms. My girls needed me. Close by. Engaged. With them.
The conversations were different. My struggles were now different from the others. I was dealing with deep loss, grief, and a whole new level of struggle.
I no longer fit. I left feeling alone.
Back then there was very little support for adoptive and foster parents. So I stayed home. Trying my best, but lots of days just surviving.
It was lonely. My friends didn't understand. My family didn't get it. I felt like I was the only one. Doing it alone.
Until. Until I said I'm not the only one. So...I reached out. I spoke out honestly about what we were going through. I found others on the journey. Others who understood what I was feeling, understood what we were going through. Understood because they lived it.
To feel like you're not the only one, to be surrounded by those who truly get it, is crucial on this journey. It's a mistake to try to do this alone. Trust me, I know. Luckily, things have changed since I began this journey nearly 17 years ago. There now is support.
If you're an adoptive, foster, step or kinship parent...you belong in my coaching group. There you'll get your questions answered, be empowered with tools & strategies that work, and be surrounded by the best support out there!
Join us today.
Everyday I get emails or read Facebook posts from so many families that are hurting. Families who feel stuck. Families who are settling. I just feel so bad. It doesn't have to be that way.
I've been in the trenches and am on the other side. For years I have been teaching tools and strategies to families to help them get to happy and healthy and I want to teach them to you too.
So here's my first question...Are you feeling alone? Better yet, do you have a support group around you - one that gets it? Or have you been thinking about joining my Coaching Group?
Now here's my second question...What are you waiting for?
Too tired or feeling too overwhelmed to even think about trying something new? I get that. But here's the thing... having an action plan that works, knowing what to do and say in the hard moments, and being around people that get it is rejuvenating and empowering. You'd be surprised at how quickly you feel the load begin to lift.
Feel like you've tried everything and have found nothing that works? You're just settling, holding on, until your child turns 18? If you haven't been a part of the Intentional Parent Coaching Group, you haven't tried this yet. Being an Intentional Parent means looking at your whole child and meeting them right where they are at. It means getting ahead of all of those fires you are constantly putting out...It Works!
Are you sure you can't afford it? Here's the thing this is about the health of your family. It's about the quality of your every day life. And not only that, the value is crazy! Work with me weekly to create and then tweak your plan, use the Learning Library to keep fine tuning your skills, give and receive support from other families that are in the trenches too. Have access to discounted one-on-one coaching sessions and all of the bonus opportunities that are a part of each month's schedule! I always say...have 7 less fancy coffees a month and you have it paid for. Or do like me...when I wanted to redecorate my house, I sold stuff on the Facebook Garage Sale Site. Financially, the group is SO doable - I've made sure!
Are you doing fine? Yes you may not have the worst of struggles, but you're not happy either. Or you're sure he'll grow out of it. The connection is not what you had hoped. That's because we're looking for SECURE attachment, not just attachment. To achieve that it takes Intentional Parenting. You need the tools that work!
What Are You Waiting For? Whatever it is...re-frame it, override it, be brave, face the challenge, sell it, take the leap, make it work...Quality of Life, your life, is at stake here.
Your whole family deserves the best it can be and I want to help you get there! Don't waste one more minute struggling and waiting...join the Intentional Parent Coaching Group and let's get your family moving towards happy and healthy today!
The other day someone asked me what’s the one thing that would make a big difference for an adoptive or foster parent. My response…there are TWO things that are crucial.
You and your entire family will come out stronger, healthier, and happier if you can surround yourself with that kind of support and guidance. I would love to have you join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group. It WILL make a difference!
Let's work together to get you the best support possible.
Join us today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html
Have you ever wondered if you are the right person to parent your child or if your family is the right place for him?
I've been asked about this thousands and thousands of times and the first thing I want to be clear about is...It is normal to question this. Whether you've only thought it or have said it out loud, I want you to know that it is a common question for families of hurt children. You are not a horrible human being!
The second thing I want you to know is that if your question is based on your child being like everyone else in your family...It is normal for a hurt child to not fit for a very long time, maybe forever. It doesn't necessarily mean you are doing it wrong. It means your child has deficits beyond his control. It's not personal - even if it feels like it.
The third thing I want you to know is that...your house will be much calmer when you meet her right where SHE is at. Trying to change your child is like hitting your head up against a brick wall over and over again. This is a brain wiring issues - she can't change. It's up to YOU to Parent Differently! Being an Intentional Parent means loving your child the way they can receive it.
The last thing I want you to know is that...doing this alone is a mistake. Staying in it no matter what and for as long as it takes is where the healing happens. And that STAYING POWER comes from feeling understood, at times being able to lean on others that get it, and from being able to ask questions and learn new strategies from people who get it and are on the other side.
Here's the thing...No, unfortunately not every child can be successful in a family situation. There is a small percentage of hurt children that just can't do it. Sadly, the impacts of trauma are just too great. It becomes unsafe for the child and/or the family to continue the journey together in the same home.
However, the majority of the time life can be much more doable when you are meeting your child right where they are at, when you are being his external regulator and stepping in to be the bridge between what he can and cannot manage. All of which ultimately creates opportunities in which he can succeed, feel valuable and believe he is worthy of goodness. This changes brain wiring.
Being Intentional about parenting your whole child can change everything. One key way of being intentional is having a specific Action Plan for your child in place. No more wondering about saying or doing the wrong thing. No more responding out of fear or frustration. And then being surrounded by others who get it is your fuel to keep going.
It all boils down to this...maybe stop wondering IF you can be your child's Parent and start wondering HOW you can Parent your child so that he can best receive all that he really deserves. You CAN do this!
With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy,
P.S. Let me help you get your plan in place. I have SO been there. I want to teach you tools and strategies that help you meet your child right where he is at...make life way more doable. Your family can get to happy and healthy...let's get you all started today! Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group I can't wait to help you turn things around.
Today is my birthday. It’s also the anniversary of the day my 2 brothers, my only siblings, were killed in a plane crash.
Needless to say, my birthday has been forever changed. For many years, I didn’t celebrate. It was just too hard. Just too sad. But, along came my children and they wanted to celebrate. Celebrate my birthday. Celebrate me.
So…I had to figure out how to have joy alongside pain. Joy alongside grief. And I have to say…it IS possible!
The same can be done on this journey that we as parents are on. There are times, days, seasons that are rough. Challenging. Hard. Sad. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have joy too. It doesn’t make sense to postpone that until things get better. Until our kiddos are healed and have made it to happy & healthy.
In fact…it’s good for us as parents. It’s also good for our children to see how to have both. We should not just choose to be in the misery. We can (and should) choose joy. Hope. Happiness.
We talk a lot about this in my coaching group. Parents often start out overwhelmed. Unhappy. In the tank. And some are downright miserable. So I give them new strategies. I encourage them to find the good in each day. They are surrounded by support. And soon they are equipped and empowered to face life in a whole new way.
Joy alongside the challenges. Joy alongside the pain. And I have to say…it’s incredible to see the changes in these parents. I’m so proud of them.
So…my lesson learned along the way is one for you too. Choose joy. Even amidst the challenges. It IS possible!
I got to thinking the other day about how when we were in the trenches I had thoughts and worries I couldn't even speak out loud. Lots of times I didn't want anyone to know my truth. I was scared that this would never end or that we were living with a child who was actually dangerous. I was sad for my child, for my family, and for my life. It wasn't at all what I had hoped for. I really had no one to turn to - no one that I thought would get it.
Here's the question of the day...Do you have a person or a group of people other than your spouse that you can be totally honest with about everything that goes on in your house, your head, and your heart? And I mean EVERYTHING!
Well, as I have worked with families from all over the world, I've seen that not having people around you that get it (because they've survived it) leaves a painful hole. There's nothing like having someone who has made it tell you that, not only can you make it too, but also tell you...here's how.
That's what I want to do for you...not only here's why, but more importantly here's HOW!
I GET IT. I understand the fear, the sadness, the overwhelmed feeling, the exhaustion, the feeling alone, feeling like you are not enough, and on and on. I have felt them all. Said them all.
It's time for you to know what it feels like to be fully understood. Breathe a sigh of relief. Recuperate. Revive. Then you can start healing. Gain strength. Clarity. And know you are not walking this path alone. We will get you an effective action plan...Hope will step in!
How? The Intentional Parent Coaching Group. Everything you need...I know because it's everything I needed. Don't put it off any longer. Don't let your fear and sadness and all the unspoken stuff get in the way of getting your family to Happy & Healthy.
Today is your day...Come with me and be a part of this incredible group of parents who absolutely know how it is in your home cause they live it too. Parents who understand the fears of your heart and head cause they feel it too! I want to help you have hope again!
A place where you will never be judged. A place where everyone gets it. A place where you will find tools and strategies that will absolutely get your family to where you want them to be. Don't wait another day to get started!
See you in the Coaching Group!