Life can throw you curves...being happy comes from how you handle them!
Yesterday I had a long list of to-dos; errands to run, kids to shuttle, and people and projects to check in on. I had decided it was going to be a busy and productive day and I was READY. I had my list in hand, my bag of exchanges and receipts, my schedule was laid out to the minute. All four kids were up and ready to go - life was good and I felt on top of of my game!
In a moment everything fell apart! As I backed out of my garage, I noticed there were multiple glaring red lights lit up on my dash. When I tried to stop to decide what they were all about, my brakes barely worked - oh and by the way the lights were brake light warning symbols. Well, I am not going to mess with brakes that don't work and a van full of all that I love in the world so I carefully pulled back, put the car in park and turned off the ignition. We were going NOWHERE!
I have to be honest. At first, I was extremely irritated. I lamented in my mind about not getting those jobs done and was already moving to being frustrated about how was I going to make tomorrow's very planned itinerary happen. I felt my temperature begin to rise - so to speak. We all piled back into the house and kind of looked at each other. We soon determined the kids should get to their school work (we are a homeschooling family) so off they went.
There I sat. Basically alone. In the quiet. Still FRUSTRATED. Totally Stuck!
Five and then ten minutes passed by. I slammed around the kitchen and made some tea, grumbling to myself. I put my fuzzy socks on. Then as I sipped my tea I began to re-plan my day. That's when I heard it...nothing; it was quiet and peaceful. Everyone was off doing their own thing. I was alone in the peace. I had almost missed it!
This day had just become about something different altogether. It needed some RE-FRAMING! I needed to re-frame it for myself. I had time now. I had the energy. I wasn't being pulled by other "have tos." As I looked at the whole picture, I could see new possibilities for the day. Soon it went from the day the brakes went out and I couldn't get my stuff done to the day that I could get a little ME TIME, work on some creative projects I had been wanting to get done, do some writing that takes quiet and calm for me to accomplish. I could choose to stay grumpy and feeling stuck or I could choose to look at it all from a different angle and choose HAPPY and EMPOWERED!
Re-framing the moment or the experience or even the relationship is a POWERFUL choice we can make. It can often dictate how we feel for the rest of the day or about the entire relationship. When my kids were younger and we struggled more with push-back behaviors and emotional ups and downs, I would often find myself having to re-frame the moment, the behavior and even the words that were spewed at me.
When we re-frame those rough life moments or relationship challenges, we gain a NEW ATTITUDE and NEW ENERGY. In order to choose happy or good for ourselves, we have to open our eyes to look at the whole situation and the whole person. We have to use what we know to help us accurately define the moment and the actions of others!
Re-frame the choices your child makes using all that you know about him. His history, grief and loss, impacts of trauma along with his fears and self esteem challenges. When you do, you will realize that THESE are the root of his tantrums and name calling...NOT YOU!
The choice to re-frame life is ours. We can re-frame behaviors, words, and looks. We can even re-frame moods. Re-framing helps to put emotions and attitudes in a healthier place. It gives new energy by way of new perspective. Most importantly, choosing to re-frame challenges moves us from feeling stuck to feeling happy and on top of our game!