As an Intentional Parent, one of our most important goals is to meet our child right where she is at. It's not an easy task sometimes that's for sure but, it IS where healing happens. It is where your child can be successful. It is where your child's wiring is effective. It is where she can start to move forward from.
For example, in those moments where a melt down is happening (either a loud one or a silent one), when you've been called a name or been told that she hates you, when she's feeling misunderstood or worse yet hated and unloved, or when she blames you for all of her problems, I want you to think about this one question...Am I listening to her so I can respond or so I can understand?
When we only listen to respond, we tend to add to the spin instead of helping to stop it. Our own stuff gets in the way. We get triggered and unregulated ourselves. We are not safe and we are NOT helping to create new brain wiring based in safety and love.
When we listen to understand, we will recognize the need behind all of that "emotional vomit" and we will know where we should meet our child. We will know where our attention should be, we will know that her stuff is NOT really about us, but about a place of pain and fear. A whole new light is shed on a tantrum or ugly words when you look at your whole child and not just the behavior in the moment. I've always liked that statement that says "When you know better, you can do better."
It's a small shift that has the power to create huge waves of healing that will impact your whole family. Are you listening to respond or to understand? The exciting news is you can ask yourself this in any moment and change the outcome, for the better, instantly! You and your child have so much to gain.
Give it a try and hop on over to Facebook and let me know how it's going. Oh and here's the thing...sometimes it's not as easy as it sounds; it takes practice, but it works!
Remember...you are NOT alone,
P.S. November is National Adoption Awareness month - be sure to be watching my site www.tohavehope.comfor all kinds of happenings that you will want to be a part of! (Check out all of the options you can WORK WITH ME to point things in the direction that will help your family to thrive)