My child just keeps making the same hurtful choice over and over again. He just doesn't care. Sticker charts don't even work. Neither consequences or rewards motivate him. She's doing it on purpose. Sound familiar?
I hear these and more frustrations time and time again and they all boil down to one very common impact of trauma. The inability to use Cause & Effect Thinking. Children begin to develop Cause & Effect thinking as early as eight months old. An inconsistent, chaotic, or unsafe environment gets in the way of a child getting though this developmental stage.
Cause & Effect thinking allows us to make assumptions and be able to reason about things that happen around us. Like if I don't water the plant, it will die. It also helps us understand other people's intentions and behaviors.
Let me just say it this way...sticker charts don't work with our kids because they don't get that if I do a then b will happen. As a matter of fact, most of the time the expectation and anxiety that failing to succeed on the sticker chart creates worse behavior.
And they are not making the same choice over and over again to be hurtful; it's because they don't understand that the choice they are making effects the outcome.
The lack of Cause and Effect thinking keeps our kids from accomplishing good things too. If I don't understand how my choice = a specific outcome, then I don't get that if I practice or go for it I can get what I want.
She DOES Care - she just doesn't get that what she says or does has an impact on something or someone else!
Did you just have a light bulb moment?
Does this sound like someone you know?
There are so many other Impacts of Trauma you should know about too. Understand what they look like on your child and in your every day challenges.
Knowing this stuff and the tools and strategies to put in place to help your child heal is what's going to help you stay in it with your child. Really getting this will equip you to meet your child where he is at and that is WHERE THE HEALING HAPPENS!
Let me teach you all about the impacts of trauma and how to put an action plan full of tools and strategies that work in place for your child! Come and be part of my Intentional Parent Coaching Group today!