Not too long after we adopted our girls, things changed. A lot. My girls were struggling. I was struggling. My family was struggling. But...something else changed too. The relationships I had with family and friends changed.
Some pulled away. I wasn't able to reach out like I had before. So often we were just getting by, barely hanging on some days. And for some of my family, they didn't know how to deal with that. Perhaps I had changed and they didn't know how to help me so they stayed away. Some questioned, and often I felt judged. The fact of the matter is, they just didn't understand. They had not been on this journey and parenting kiddos who had come with deep loss does look different sometimes. It has to. And most of the time, my girls didn't let anyone else see their struggles. So if I shared about the challenges we were dealing with at home, others looked at me as if I was crazy. As if I was just being crabby or mean. I lost friends along the way. And for awhile, I didn't feel as close to my family as I once had. Eventually, I got things turned around for my family. I learned a ton, tried new parenting strategies, and my girls began to heal. They began to trust and know that they had a "one and only". Know that they had a "No Matter What Family." I began teaching family and friends about what I had learned. Once they could understand why I was parenting the way I was, and when they could see that my family was happier and healthier, they began supporting me in a whole new way. What a difference that made. The reality is we ALL need a support team. So many parents come to me hurting, feeling isolated, feeling judged by their family and friends. Many have lost friendships or a going it alone. If that's you...let's get you the support you need. The support you deserve. In the Intentional Parent Coaching Group this month, we are getting families SUPPORT. Here are just a few things we have going this month. A 35-45 minute video you can share with your extended family and friends. Supporting An Adoptive, Foster, Gaurdian, Kinship or Step Family 101 This video will help them understand and open up dialogue so that they can help support you in helping your child heal. Two Drawings for a One Hour Live Team Coaching Session. This is meant to be used with extended family and/or close friends that are a part of your every day life. This session will help get your team on the same page. Free template: To My Support System... This template can be used to educate family, friends and others as to your goals, plans and hope for your children. It will also help them understand their role in your child's life. Let's get you really surrounded by support. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html See you in the Coaching Group!
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This morning I woke up thinking of all the parents out there who are doing such an important job of raising kiddos - adopted, bio, foster, kinship, step, grand. Wow, it's a BIG job, isn't it?
So many parents come to me hurting. Exhausted. Worn out. Just getting by. Is that you? Then my answer to you...let's make it better. A LOT better. So many parents come to me feeling pretty settled, but their kiddos aren't as connected as they'd like. That attachment isn't as secure as it can be. Is that you? Then my answer to you...let's make the connection STRONG. Here's the deal...we all want our kiddos to be happy and healthy. Physically healthy yes, but emotionally as well. And when we can do that, the behaviors get better, things calm down, and we can create that family bond we set out to have when we began this journey. I can help you get those behaviors turned around. I can help you get your family to happy & healthy. Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group. We meet online weekly where we can get you a plan and your questions answered. You'll also get access to an entire learning library of classes. And you'll be part of a closed Facebook page where you'll be surrounded by the best support out there. Seriously, this is making the difference for so many parents. I can't tell you how much better they feel...empowered, relieved, supported, equipped. Let's get you there! Join us today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html So many Adoptive & Foster Parents come to me for help with fixing their kids.
They're stuck. Nothing seems to work. They're tired. They've tried "everything" and their child just won't change. He won't try harder. She clearly doesn't care. There's no respect. He just keeps doing the same thing over and over again and he/she is ruining our family! Here's the thing...putting your focus on changing your child is not where you should put your energy if you are looking to move your family to happy and healthy! Your Adopted or Foster Child's hurdles are deeply deeply rooted in the impacts of trauma, grieving, and life experiences. Expecting them to change means changing core beliefs and values. It means healing brain wiring. It means asking them to do or believe something their brain is NOT wired to do or believe. This kind of change could take a lifetime and it for sure takes safe (emotionally and physically), consistent, understanding, and intentional parenting. Really, YOU have a much better chance of getting you all to Happy and Healthy when YOU do the changing. When you learn to meet your child right where he's at, YOU create opportunities for success. You create a nurturing environment where new core beliefs are born - beliefs that lead to trust, understanding, and self worth. You create the safety your child's brain needs to create new wiring. Wiring that allows him to be regulated, have healthy relationships, and feel connected. Trying to change your child is exhausting and doing the same thing over and over even if it doesn't work is frustrating. You need to parent from a different angle than other parents or than the way you were parented. Your Adopted or Foster Child comes from a different place. Change your perspective, your tools and strategies so that you are meeting your child where he is at and the shift will be what you've been waiting for! P.S. Let me help you know how to change so that you can get your family to Happy and Healthy. Becoming an Intentional Parent is what it's all about! Join us today in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. Click here. I am so excited to tell you about a bonus going on in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group and it is ALL ABOUT DADS!
Here's what I know for sure...when it comes to trying to parent hurt children, Dads have their own journey, and many times it can be really difficult. Whether it's their tense relationship with their wife, not getting why their child seems to sabotage anything good, or understanding the lack of get-up-and-go their child has (and so much more), Dad's job is NOT easy. This bonus session is called "Help, Have You Seen My Wife I Think I've Lost Her!" because lots of times the biggest struggle of being a Dad is seeing your wife so miserable, being stuck in a negative cycle, and even looking a little crazy. It can change everything, including your marriage. SO, here's the thing...I am offering a session Just. For. Dads. I want you to feel free to ask the hard questions. I am challenging you to put it all out there, or at least cheer others on that will and take it all in. Questions like - Why does my wife not see? Why does my child do that or say that? What can I do to support my wife? What can I do to have a closer connection with my child? There's no unimportant question. Working with your spouse to create a Safety Net that meets your child right where they are at and providing your children a STRONG UNITED FRONT is imperative to healing...Dad, your participation is crucial! If your family isn't already members of the Intentional Parent Coaching Group, I want to invite you to bring them in. My husband and I have been there. This journey is rough and it took its toll on each of us and on us as a couple. We did this alone. Nobody told us it would be so hard. Nobody was there to teach us how to do it differently. We felt alone and miserable. I don't want that for your family...it doesn't have to be that way! I have put together the Intentional Parent Coaching Group to bring all the education, support and wealth of tools and strategies you need to help your family get to Happy and Healthy. Have the words you need in the moment, a step-by-step formula to follow to help make parenting decisions, a closed Facebook Group of parents in the same boat to bounce things off of and more. It IS POSSIBLE! The IPCG is a 30 day membership Group. As active members, you are invited to the Dads session for FREE and you and your spouse will also have 30 days to attend the weekly Live sessions with me so that you can tweak your family's action plan. There is always the Learning Library at your disposal where you will find 13 of my top selling classes for you to use at your convenience. And SO much more! You have the choice to get your family the kind of help they need - Let me show you how to create the changes you have been hoping for! Get started on consuming the classes in the Learning Library and all of the past coaching groups in the archived coaching area. And then let's get your questions answered in our LIVE DADS Session on this upcoming Sunday, June 25th at 5 pm central time! (worried about being there live? No worries...everything that happens in the IPCG is recorded and placed in the Members area for your use at your convenience.) Now is the time Dad...let's get your family to happy and healthy, join us today! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html Cant wait to see you in group and in the Dads Session! The other day I did a little taking care of me (yes, I practice what I preach). I took a break out on my porch and read my favorite magazine, Oprah.
When I got to her regular article of "What I Know for Sure", I got to thinking about this parenting journey we're on. I asked myself, "What do I know for sure?" And what I know for sure is that we as adoptive, foster, & kinship parents really need to know and understand the impacts of trauma, how they look on our kiddos, and what we can do about them. It's no surprise that our kiddos have been impacted by trauma. They had a break in their primary attachment and that certainly is trauma. But so often parents don't know how that impacts their kiddo and what it actually looks like, let alone what they do about it. What can look like defiance, lack of cause & effect thinking, and low self-esteem are impacts of trauma. And how we parent has got to look different in order to help our kiddos if we want to truly help them. That's what is going to make THE difference for them. And that's what is going to calm things down and make a difference in your every day and your entire family. I'd like to personally invite you to join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. We meet online weekly to dig deep into the impacts of trauma and get you a plan for your child. It's what I truly believe is going to be a GAME CHANGER! So...if you're ready for things to be better, a whole lot better, join us today! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html Every day I talk to another Mom who is sad and overwhelmed thinking about how much her child doesn't like her, much yet respect her. Mom after Mom telling me that her child just won't do what they're asked to do.
They've promised rewards and goodies, threatened consequences and the loss of t.v. time, and everything in between, yet nothing changes. They say their child still doesn't get it. And it is clearly causing a huge disconnect in their relationship. What I want these Moms to know is that it really isn't about liking or not liking you. (And I say that with love). It's NOT about respecting or disrespecting you - It IS about a very commonly misunderstood IMPACT OF TRAUMA. It IS about not having cause and effect thinking! The whole idea of...If I do this, then this will happen. NOT THERE So do reward charts work? Do promises of something new work? Do threats of a punishment or disapproval work? NO. NO. NO. Now YOU have new clarity about your every day. A final thought for you...seeing behaviors, words, and choices as the impacts of trauma they are rather than defiant, disrespectful, and lacking in empathy will help you to meet your child right where he/she is at and to stay in it with him for as long as it takes - that's where healing happens. With love & dedication to your family, Stacy P.S. See your every day in a new way - join us in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. Let me help you identify impacts of trauma your child is dealing with. Let me help you put tools and strategies in place to help both of you succeed. Let's get you learning the other impacts of trauma today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html The other night I was in my living room…all by myself. The house was silent. Everyone was in bed. With 4 teens, a hubby, and a toddler, that’s a big feat these days. I have to tell you it was BLISSFUL.
I used to be the kind of gal who burned the candle at both ends. With 6 kiddos who needed me, it was the only way I could get things done. But the other night, I sat. Quietly. Choosing to do nothing. Just soaking in the silence. It wasn’t for very long, but boy did it feel good! We need to find ways to rejuvenate. Reset ourselves. This journey is a tough one at times. Exhausting. And so we need to refuel. It’s not only important, it’s VITAL. I know, I know…"But there’s no time. It’s not possible. I’m too exhausted.” I get it. I told myself that time after time myself. But here’s the deal, it doesn’t have to be big. Even little things can refuel. Find something to do to take care of YOU. Need some ideas? Here are 10 easy, little things you can do.
Make a plan or be spontaneous. Whatever works. Just do it! And here’s the deal…when you refuel, not only will you feel better, but you will parent better too. That’s a Win-Win, don’t you think? With love & dedication to your family, Stacy P.S. A great way to refuel that will make a HUGE difference for you and your entire family - join us in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. A place where you'll be empowered, equipped, and surrounded by the best kind of support there is. Join us today! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html Listen, I know how crazy this journey can be - I've lived it!
What I want to make sure that you know is that you don't have to settle for things to be that way. Your summer doesn't have to feel overwhelming and be full of tantrums, arguing, and the other lovely behaviors that pop up when your family doesn't have a different plan. Look, life is TOO SHORT to have another summer that you just "get through" and hope you can hold on until school starts. (unfortunately, because we didn't have anyone to show us any differently we have too many of those kinds of summers on the books) YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT CHOICE! TODAY I am taking members of my Intentional Parent Coaching Group through a step by step look at how to make this YOUR FAMILY'S BEST SUMMER YET! And I want to personally invite YOU to join us. Stop feeling frozen and stuck. Worried and down. Let's get you my Successful Summer Check List and a step by step Plan to get you to a happier and healthier summer. Here's the huge BONUS...members of the Intentional Parent Coaching Group get this class for FREE and so much more. Check this out, the 30 day membership also includes:
And if you decide the group is not for you that's okay you can choose to cancel your membership. There's really NOTHING TO LOSE Here AND SO MUCH TO GAIN. Let's start TODAY to get your Summer more the way you'd like it to be, which will ultimately lead into a better Fall and a more peaceful school year. Don't miss this...the class is TODAY at 3pm! (don't worry if you can't be there Live -everything is recorded and you get to be part of it) All of the log in information will be posted in our Intentional Parent Coaching Group CLOSED Facebook Page so let's get you hooked up Right Now! Just click on this link and you will receive an email with all the details you need to be ready! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html I cannot wait to see you in group and I am so excited for you to have your best summer yet! With love & dedication to your family, Stacy Yesterday was the last day of school for my daughter. All the rest of my kiddos were done last week. So...here we go. SUMMER!
For many families, their hopes and vision for summer don't always match how it ends up really looking. They picture carefree days. Relaxation. Fun. Happy. But...that's not always the case. Summer can be challenging for lots of kiddos. A big transition. Increased intimacy. Change in routine. Less structure. And that can lead to anxiety. Behaviors. Meltdowns. Struggles. Suddenly summer doesn't feel so happy and relaxing. As summer goes on, I get phone calls and emails from parent after parent after parent. They're exhausted. At their wit's end. Sad. Frustrated. And are counting down the days til the school year. But...it doesn't have to be that way. That's why I'm kicking off summer with an all new class...A Successful Summer. I'm teaching a step-by-step plan for parents to make this summer HAPPIER & HEALTHIER for their kiddo, and for their entire family. If want this summer to be smoother, happier, calmer...this class is for YOU! If you want to enjoy the summer instead of dealing with meltdowns, tantrums, and so on...this class is for YOU! If you want to have a plan that works instead of just hoping for good days...this class is for YOU! And to make it even better...this class is FREE for the members of the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. So join us in group today and I'll see you in class on June 12th! Let's make this summer a happy & healthy one for your entire family. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html "The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." ~Mark Twain
This quote really resonates with me. Twenty-seven ago my two brothers, my only siblings, were killed in a plane crash. On my birthday. I was supposed to be on that plane. But...at the last minute I changed my mind. Decided to not go. For years I wondered why. Why them? Why not me? Why was my life spared? And...what should I be doing with it? All these years later, I am certain of my purpose. Without a shadow of a doubt. I'm here to help mentor other adoptive, foster, and kinship parents on this journey. To educate. To guide. To support. To encourage. To equip. To empower. I just got done working with parents in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group, and as I reflected on the Q and A call, I had this wave of emotion come over me. This. This is why I'm here. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. This journey of parenting an adopted or foster kiddo is a challenging one, but such an important one. It literally is saving lives. It's life changing - for the kiddo and for the parents. You are making a HUGE impact on a child's heart, on a child's future. I know how hard you're working. I know you're doing whatever you can to help your kiddo. And...I don't want you to have to do it alone. I'm here...cheering you on, guiding, supporting, mentoring, and encouraging you every step of the way. Thank you for the privilege and honor of working alongside you. With love and dedication to you and your family, Stacy Manning P.S. I'd love to have you join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. You'll be supported and empowered like never before. I'd be honored to help you get your kiddo and your family to HAPPY & HEALTHY. Join us today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html |
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