Have you ever wondered if you are the right person to parent your child or if your family is the right place for him?
I've been asked about this thousands and thousands of times and the first thing I want to be clear about is...It is normal to question this. Whether you've only thought it or have said it out loud, I want you to know that it is a common question for families of hurt children. You are not a horrible human being!
The second thing I want you to know is that if your question is based on your child being like everyone else in your family...It is normal for a hurt child to not fit for a very long time, maybe forever. It doesn't necessarily mean you are doing it wrong. It means your child has deficits beyond his control. It's not personal - even if it feels like it.
The third thing I want you to know is that...your house will be much calmer when you meet her right where SHE is at. Trying to change your child is like hitting your head up against a brick wall over and over again. This is a brain wiring issues - she can't change. It's up to YOU to Parent Differently! Being an Intentional Parent means loving your child the way they can receive it.
The last thing I want you to know is that...doing this alone is a mistake. Staying in it no matter what and for as long as it takes is where the healing happens. And that STAYING POWER comes from feeling understood, at times being able to lean on others that get it, and from being able to ask questions and learn new strategies from people who get it and are on the other side.
Here's the thing...No, unfortunately not every child can be successful in a family situation. There is a small percentage of hurt children that just can't do it. Sadly, the impacts of trauma are just too great. It becomes unsafe for the child and/or the family to continue the journey together in the same home.
However, the majority of the time life can be much more doable when you are meeting your child right where they are at, when you are being his external regulator and stepping in to be the bridge between what he can and cannot manage. All of which ultimately creates opportunities in which he can succeed, feel valuable and believe he is worthy of goodness. This changes brain wiring.
Being Intentional about parenting your whole child can change everything. One key way of being intentional is having a specific Action Plan for your child in place. No more wondering about saying or doing the wrong thing. No more responding out of fear or frustration. And then being surrounded by others who get it is your fuel to keep going.
It all boils down to this...maybe stop wondering IF you can be your child's Parent and start wondering HOW you can Parent your child so that he can best receive all that he really deserves. You CAN do this!
With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy,
P.S. Let me help you get your plan in place. I have SO been there. I want to teach you tools and strategies that help you meet your child right where he is at...make life way more doable. Your family can get to happy and healthy...let's get you all started today! Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group I can't wait to help you turn things around.
Today is my birthday. It’s also the anniversary of the day my 2 brothers, my only siblings, were killed in a plane crash.
Needless to say, my birthday has been forever changed. For many years, I didn’t celebrate. It was just too hard. Just too sad. But, along came my children and they wanted to celebrate. Celebrate my birthday. Celebrate me.
So…I had to figure out how to have joy alongside pain. Joy alongside grief. And I have to say…it IS possible!
The same can be done on this journey that we as parents are on. There are times, days, seasons that are rough. Challenging. Hard. Sad. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have joy too. It doesn’t make sense to postpone that until things get better. Until our kiddos are healed and have made it to happy & healthy.
In fact…it’s good for us as parents. It’s also good for our children to see how to have both. We should not just choose to be in the misery. We can (and should) choose joy. Hope. Happiness.
We talk a lot about this in my coaching group. Parents often start out overwhelmed. Unhappy. In the tank. And some are downright miserable. So I give them new strategies. I encourage them to find the good in each day. They are surrounded by support. And soon they are equipped and empowered to face life in a whole new way.
Joy alongside the challenges. Joy alongside the pain. And I have to say…it’s incredible to see the changes in these parents. I’m so proud of them.
So…my lesson learned along the way is one for you too. Choose joy. Even amidst the challenges. It IS possible!
I got to thinking the other day about how when we were in the trenches I had thoughts and worries I couldn't even speak out loud. Lots of times I didn't want anyone to know my truth. I was scared that this would never end or that we were living with a child who was actually dangerous. I was sad for my child, for my family, and for my life. It wasn't at all what I had hoped for. I really had no one to turn to - no one that I thought would get it.
Here's the question of the day...Do you have a person or a group of people other than your spouse that you can be totally honest with about everything that goes on in your house, your head, and your heart? And I mean EVERYTHING!
Well, as I have worked with families from all over the world, I've seen that not having people around you that get it (because they've survived it) leaves a painful hole. There's nothing like having someone who has made it tell you that, not only can you make it too, but also tell you...here's how.
That's what I want to do for you...not only here's why, but more importantly here's HOW!
I GET IT. I understand the fear, the sadness, the overwhelmed feeling, the exhaustion, the feeling alone, feeling like you are not enough, and on and on. I have felt them all. Said them all.
It's time for you to know what it feels like to be fully understood. Breathe a sigh of relief. Recuperate. Revive. Then you can start healing. Gain strength. Clarity. And know you are not walking this path alone. We will get you an effective action plan...Hope will step in!
How? The Intentional Parent Coaching Group. Everything you need...I know because it's everything I needed. Don't put it off any longer. Don't let your fear and sadness and all the unspoken stuff get in the way of getting your family to Happy & Healthy.
Today is your day...Come with me and be a part of this incredible group of parents who absolutely know how it is in your home cause they live it too. Parents who understand the fears of your heart and head cause they feel it too! I want to help you have hope again!
A place where you will never be judged. A place where everyone gets it. A place where you will find tools and strategies that will absolutely get your family to where you want them to be. Don't wait another day to get started!
See you in the Coaching Group!
Wow! I don't know if you've seen it, but I posted on my Facebook Page that I needed a little help in doing some research for a class coming up. The question was...What do you want your family and friends to understand? and boy did I get lots of input...over 120 people have commented so far.
I get it. Feeling judged and questioned all of the time is no way to live. Not having the support of the most important people in your life can be very alienating. Life can get very lonely!
I think one thing we can all agree on is that unless you walk the path we are walking, you just can't get what it takes to help a child like ours heal. So we understand that our family and friends might not know our struggle or have any clue as to how to help.
However, I'm not okay with just leaving it at that. Having a support system that really works is key! So...I am taking on this mission. I am putting together a video called Supporting An Adoptive, Foster, Guardian, Kinship or Step Family 101.
In this video, I'll explain the science of things, how everyday can get hard, and why we have to do it differently, along with share ideas of what your support system CAN do to really help your family get to happy and healthy! A culmination of over 100 families input on what they want their support system to know.
Yours to use to help build and strengthen your support system.
Being surrounded by support is so crucial in building the Safety Net your child so deserves. It is key in staying in it no matter what and for as long as it takes - and that is where healing happens. On this journey, you need to surround yourself with people that get it cause they've already walked it, surround yourself with people that are walking it with you and surround yourself with the people who have been your safety net all along.
Choosing to be a part of the Intentional Parent Coaching Group is your next most powerful step to getting your family to happy and healthy. The people that get it cause they've lived it. And the people that get it cause they are in the trenches with you!
This month in the IPCG we are focusing in on strengthening and building your support system. I want to personally invite you to join us and take advantage of all that typically goes on in the group + all of the bonuses this month like the Supporting An Adoptive, Foster, Guardian, Kinship or Step Family 101 video. In the Intentional Parent Coaching Group this month, we are getting families SUPPORT.
Here are just a couple other things we have going this month.
-Two Drawings for a One Hour Live Team Coaching Session. This is meant to be used with extended family and/or close friends that are a part of your every day life. This session will help get your team on the same page.
-A Free template: Dear Support System,... This letter template can be used to educate family, friends and others as to your goals, plans and hope for your children. It will also help them understand their role in your child's life.
No more doing this alone!
Let's get you really surrounded by support and your family moving towards happy and healthy.
See you in the Coaching Group!
Not too long after we adopted our girls, things changed. A lot. My girls were struggling. I was struggling. My family was struggling. But...something else changed too. The relationships I had with family and friends changed.
Some pulled away. I wasn't able to reach out like I had before. So often we were just getting by, barely hanging on some days. And for some of my family, they didn't know how to deal with that. Perhaps I had changed and they didn't know how to help me so they stayed away.
Some questioned, and often I felt judged. The fact of the matter is, they just didn't understand. They had not been on this journey and parenting kiddos who had come with deep loss does look different sometimes. It has to. And most of the time, my girls didn't let anyone else see their struggles. So if I shared about the challenges we were dealing with at home, others looked at me as if I was crazy. As if I was just being crabby or mean.
I lost friends along the way. And for awhile, I didn't feel as close to my family as I once had. Eventually, I got things turned around for my family. I learned a ton, tried new parenting strategies, and my girls began to heal. They began to trust and know that they had a "one and only". Know that they had a "No Matter What Family."
I began teaching family and friends about what I had learned. Once they could understand why I was parenting the way I was, and when they could see that my family was happier and healthier, they began supporting me in a whole new way. What a difference that made. The reality is we ALL need a support team.
So many parents come to me hurting, feeling isolated, feeling judged by their family and friends. Many have lost friendships or a going it alone. If that's you...let's get you the support you need. The support you deserve.
In the Intentional Parent Coaching Group this month, we are getting families SUPPORT.
Here are just a few things we have going this month.
A 35-45 minute video you can share with your extended family and friends. Supporting An Adoptive, Foster, Gaurdian, Kinship or Step Family 101 This video will help them understand and open up dialogue so that they can help support you in helping your child heal.
Two Drawings for a One Hour Live Team Coaching Session. This is meant to be used with extended family and/or close friends that are a part of your every day life. This session will help get your team on the same page.
Free template: To My Support System... This template can be used to educate family, friends and others as to your goals, plans and hope for your children. It will also help them understand their role in your child's life.
Let's get you really surrounded by support.
See you in the Coaching Group!
This morning I woke up thinking of all the parents out there who are doing such an important job of raising kiddos - adopted, bio, foster, kinship, step, grand. Wow, it's a BIG job, isn't it?
So many parents come to me hurting. Exhausted. Worn out. Just getting by. Is that you? Then my answer to you...let's make it better. A LOT better.
So many parents come to me feeling pretty settled, but their kiddos aren't as connected as they'd like. That attachment isn't as secure as it can be. Is that you? Then my answer to you...let's make the connection STRONG.
Here's the deal...we all want our kiddos to be happy and healthy. Physically healthy yes, but emotionally as well. And when we can do that, the behaviors get better, things calm down, and we can create that family bond we set out to have when we began this journey.
I can help you get those behaviors turned around. I can help you get your family to happy & healthy. Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group. We meet online weekly where we can get you a plan and your questions answered. You'll also get access to an entire learning library of classes. And you'll be part of a closed Facebook page where you'll be surrounded by the best support out there.
Seriously, this is making the difference for so many parents. I can't tell you how much better they feel...empowered, relieved, supported, equipped. Let's get you there!
Join us today.
The other night I was in my living room…all by myself. The house was silent. Everyone was in bed. With 4 teens, a hubby, and a toddler, that’s a big feat these days. I have to tell you it was BLISSFUL.
I used to be the kind of gal who burned the candle at both ends. With 6 kiddos who needed me, it was the only way I could get things done. But the other night, I sat. Quietly. Choosing to do nothing. Just soaking in the silence. It wasn’t for very long, but boy did it feel good!
We need to find ways to rejuvenate. Reset ourselves. This journey is a tough one at times. Exhausting. And so we need to refuel. It’s not only important, it’s VITAL.
I know, I know…"But there’s no time. It’s not possible. I’m too exhausted.” I get it. I told myself that time after time myself. But here’s the deal, it doesn’t have to be big. Even little things can refuel. Find something to do to take care of YOU.
Need some ideas? Here are 10 easy, little things you can do.
Make a plan or be spontaneous. Whatever works. Just do it!
And here’s the deal…when you refuel, not only will you feel better, but you will parent better too. That’s a Win-Win, don’t you think?
With love & dedication to your family,
P.S. A great way to refuel that will make a HUGE difference for you and your entire family - join us in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. A place where you'll be empowered, equipped, and surrounded by the best kind of support there is. Join us today!
"The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." ~Mark Twain
This quote really resonates with me. Twenty-seven ago my two brothers, my only siblings, were killed in a plane crash. On my birthday. I was supposed to be on that plane. But...at the last minute I changed my mind. Decided to not go.
For years I wondered why. Why them? Why not me? Why was my life spared? And...what should I be doing with it?
All these years later, I am certain of my purpose. Without a shadow of a doubt. I'm here to help mentor other adoptive, foster, and kinship parents on this journey. To educate. To guide. To support. To encourage. To equip. To empower. I just got done working with parents in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group, and as I reflected on the Q and A call, I had this wave of emotion come over me. This. This is why I'm here. This is what I'm supposed to be doing.
This journey of parenting an adopted or foster kiddo is a challenging one, but such an important one. It literally is saving lives. It's life changing - for the kiddo and for the parents. You are making a HUGE impact on a child's heart, on a child's future.
I know how hard you're working. I know you're doing whatever you can to help your kiddo. And...I don't want you to have to do it alone. I'm here...cheering you on, guiding, supporting, mentoring, and encouraging you every step of the way.
Thank you for the privilege and honor of working alongside you.
With love and dedication to you and your family,
P.S. I'd love to have you join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. You'll be supported and empowered like never before. I'd be honored to help you get your kiddo and your family to HAPPY & HEALTHY. Join us today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html
If you've been thinking about joining me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group...
Today's YOUR Day!
We're kicking off the RIGHT time to work on getting your kiddo securely connected and your family to HAPPY & HEALTHY with a month packed with tools, tips, supports, and BONUSES and GIVEAWAYS.
In addition to our weekly Q & A sessions, our closed Facebook page, and access to an entire Learning Library of 13 full length classes, you'll get some amazing bonuses this month:
NOW'S THE TIME! The time to join us. The time to get a plan for your family. The time to get you the tools and support you need. The time to get your kiddo to securely attached. The time to stop just hanging on, to stop just getting by. The time to get your family to HAPPY & HEALTHY.
So...I've got just one question for you. What are you waiting for?
Can't wait to see you in group!
To the momma who’s struggling…I see you.
To the momma who’s doing whatever it takes…I see you.
To the momma who feels alone...I see you.
To the momma who feels like she’s messing up…I see you.
To the momma who knows she’s the right parent for the job, but knows her kiddo is struggling…I see you.
To the momma filled with doubt and worry…I see you.
To the momma who’s completely exhausted and worn out…I see you.
To the momma fighting with all she’s got to help her kiddo heal…I see you.
To the momma who wants her kiddo and her entire family to be happy & healthy…I see you.
I see you. I hear you. I understand you. And…you belong here. Surrounded by those who truly understand. Armed with a plan and tools that really work. Encouraged. Empowered. Filled with hope.
You belong in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group. You're not alone!
I can’t wait to see you in group!
With love & dedication to you and your family,