Hope Connections - Support for Adoptive Families and Support for Foster Families
  • Parents
    • Getting Your Family to Happy & Healthy >
      • Free Training Get Started
      • Getting Your Family to HAPPY & HEALTHY
    • CONNECT: Support for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Blog for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Book for Adoptive Parents
    • Bundles - SPECIAL >
      • Bundle: Success at School
  • Teachers
    • IMPACT - Tools for Trauma Informed Teachers
    • Free Teacher Training
    • Blog for Trauma Informed Teachers
  • Parents
    • Getting Your Family to Happy & Healthy >
      • Free Training Get Started
      • Getting Your Family to HAPPY & HEALTHY
    • CONNECT: Support for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Blog for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Book for Adoptive Parents
    • Bundles - SPECIAL >
      • Bundle: Success at School
  • Teachers
    • IMPACT - Tools for Trauma Informed Teachers
    • Free Teacher Training
    • Blog for Trauma Informed Teachers

The #1 Question from Adoptive & Foster Parents

4/24/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
One of the most asked questions I get from adoptive & foster parents is...How long is this going to take?  (By this they mean until my child doesn't get triggered, until my child doesn't have melt downs or until my child has positive self esteem. How long is it going to take for my child to heal?)

Well, this is a part of who our adopted and foster children are. It's a part of their story. The truth is that this is really a lifelong deal.      

Are they going to have lifelong tantrums? Will the melt downs still be in place when they are 20 years old? No!

Most of our adopted & foster children will be past that, but when other life stressors come up, when they are in new relationships, will they question their worth? Will they question their value and wonder if they are loveable? Probably.

That doesn't mean they are sentenced to gloom and doom. It doesn't mean they can't go to their "second way of thinking", which is what we have helped them form. However, we have to know that what we do now as adoptive and foster parents and how we meet them where they are at right now REALLY matters. 

Our daughter has a special day coming up. One which the other 5 have already done. They dress up. They have to be in front of others. Not her cup of tea at all. But she's prepared for it for a year now and wants to do it. 

So...the night before the scheduled trip to get a new outfit turns ugly. Very ugly.

It starts with mopey and pouty then moves to nasty comments and walking off. Then comes back for more ugly words and behavior.  Wow, really doesn't make a Mom and Dad want to drop a load of cash on said kid.
 

However, after all these years we know it is important to look "behind" the behavior to meet our kids right where they are at. 
Turns out there was some real fear about dresses not fitting and a real challenge receiving the goodness of a new outfit and clothes and everything else! (Can I just say that that is NOT what it looked or felt like at all!)

She tried to sabotage it. She tried to manage the situation her way. She tried to be in control. She wanted us to cancel cause the anxiety was too great. But I just informed her we were going because she deserved it. She calmed down and got some sleep.

I have to tell you that she held herself together pretty well. And it was a really enjoyable morning of shopping - said the Mom who hates to shop. Oh and did I tell you that we are SIXTEEN PLUS YEARS IN!  

This is simply a part of our children and always will be. And in order to help it to fade into the background, we have to intentionally parent them - meet them where they are at, stay in it no matter what and for as long as it takes.  

Remember...this is forever. So look beyond the behavior and just decide now to parent intentionally from here on in...that is where healing will happen!

If you're parenting an Adopted or Foster child, join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. We meet online weekly with live Q & A sessions to get YOUR questions answered and a plan tweaked for YOUR family! Plus you'll be surrounded by support on a closed Facebook page. Join us today. 

http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Sign Up to Receive Our Blog Posts

    * indicates required
    Email Format
    Picture
    ​
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    Adoption
    Holidays
    Intentional Parent
    Parenting
    School
    Self Care
    Support

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2012
    February 2012

CONTACT HOPE CONNECTIONS
Email - clientcare@tohavehope.com


​Privacy Policy
Cookies Policy

​
HOURS
Monday 1pm-4pm CST
Tuesday-Thursday 9am-3pm CST
Friday 9am-12pm CST
Closed on weekends & holidays