Does the phrase "I forgot" trigger you? It can't be real, right? It happens all of the time. No one forgets that much!
Well, the TRUTH of the matter is that it is REAL! Short term memory struggles are definitely an impact of trauma and a result of high anxiety. Children who come from where our kids come from carry with them impacts of that trauma. Their Limbic Systems have been "over used" and flooded with brain chemistry that has physically impacted how their brains developed. In the moment it helps to think of that area of the brain being like Swiss Cheese. Sometimes the neurons connect, but most of the time they miss each other. There are holes now. When they miss, your child deals with challenges remembering. Short term memory and the Limbic System don't just deal with remembering the names of things or the order of things. They also help your mind and body to remember what experience or person is safe or not. In addition, they also help you remember so that you can apply what happened yesterday to today. We are talking DEFICIT NOT DEFIANCE. Not having these abilities is the source of so many triggers. Knowing that "I forgot" is real and meeting your child right where he/she is at is where healing happens. Do what you need to do to help your child be successful in these areas and you will feel the shift towards trust, self-confidence, and a more peaceful every day. P.S. Not sure how to meet your child where they are at? Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html. We will get your Action Plan in place TODAY!
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HOPE. It’s not just a fluffy ideal. Not just some feel good goal.
It’s real. It’s powerful. It’s necessary. In fact, that’s why I named my business after it - Hope Connections. It’s why I chose my website name. www.ToHaveHope.com. Hope matters. I’m pretty sure when we all began this journey of parenting, we had HOPE. Hope that our kiddos would do alright. Hope that being part of a family would make things okay. Hope that we’d make a difference. Enter in reality. Enter in some challenging behaviors. You know the ones, right? The ones where we start to question if what we are doing iss even working. Questioning if it’s ever going to get better. Questioning if we are even the right parent for the job. Trust me, I know how that feels. When I began this journey 17 years ago, I was filled with HOPE. But it didn’t take long for that to change. My daughters came to me with a lot of hurt, a lot of fear. They had lost their primary attachment person, their biological mother. And it impacted them in ways I couldn’t even imagined. I began to worry. Worry if I really could make a difference. Worry if it was always going to be like this. Worry about their future. Worry about my family…all of us. My girls, my biological children, my marriage, myself. I started to lose HOPE. But here’s the hard truth about hope…if we lose hope for our kiddos, they lose hope for themselves. And without hope, they’re sunk. I know that can feel like a lot of pressure, but it’s the truth. Our kiddos need us to be their hope. They need us to have hope for them, because many of them have already lost the hope they have for themselves. If we lose hope, it’s going to get worse. A lot worse. So…you need to do what you can to hold onto hope. What I really believe that every parent needs on this journey to be able to hold onto hope is SUPPORT. The kind of support where you’re surrounded by those who get it. The kind of support where someone can help you with new ways of doing things, ways that work. The kind of support where you can a plan for yourself, a plan for your family. The kind of support where you can get answers to all those questions. The kind of support where you are surrounded by hope. So I encourage you, wait, I urge you, to make sure you are in a place where you are getting that support so you can hold onto hope. For yourself. For your child. For your family. For your future. If you're ready to get that kind of support, join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html. You'll be supported with all you need to hold onto hope...for yourself and for your child! I've been hearing from so many parents about how they wonder if they are strong enough to stay on this journey. They are asking themselves if they are the right parent to really help their child heal. I totally remember thinking the same things years ago. Do you ever go down this path of thinking?
There is one thing I know for sure...my answer to ALL the moms & dads and to you is a great big confident, Y.E.S. you are STRONG enough! You were brought to this child for a reason. You were meant to be his or her parent. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH! And what most parents need to be reminded of is that it takes strength to ensure that you have handholds in place in your life to help you hang on when the going gets tough. So that you can stay in it for as long as it takes. I really believe that there are 4 very effective handholds we should all have in place: 1. We need to ensure that we can have some joy in our lives...joy right next to the challenge. This can be done by continuing to fight to see and be filled up by the good in your day. 2. Being surrounded by the support of people who get it. Who have lived it. Who are living it. 3. Getting yourself on the calendar. Taking some time to fill yourself up. 4. Don't get so rigid or stuck that you can't meet your child where he/she is at - cause that's where healing happens. Listen, from one parent to another...this is key. And I'd really like to teach you how to get these handholds put into place in your life. They fuel that strength. They create clarity. They inspire and energize you. They ensure that you and your family can have joy even as you work on healing. It's your time to feel STRONG. It's your time to move your family to HAPPY and HEALTHY. Let's work together in my Coaching Group to make it happen asap...come join me! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html P. S. THIS MONTH ...1 hour Private Coaching Session with me available to all Intentional Parent Coaching Members for only $30.00 - don't miss it! When I was a young mom before we adopted our girls, I learned that my boys would rise to my belief in them.
Lots of my friends would complain about their babies not being able to get rid of their pacifier or be weaned off of the bottle and they were so frustrated. They were feeling the pressure from family and daycare to grow their children up. And the stress of things like difficult bedtimes or potty training had even become a strain in their marriages. They were so stressed and so were their kids. I learned early on that if I was unsure of or couldn't envision those milestones happening, they didn't. When I knew it would be fine, my boys sailed right through. We were both at the same place. Then we adopted our daughters and for a time I lost that mindset. It didn't seem to work anymore. They weren't sailing through. I began to question myself and my parenting. I even lost hope that things would get better. I just couldn't see how things would change. It began working again when I learned to meet my daughters right where THEY were at. We needed to be at the same place and I needed to make the move. I realized that they needed the chance to work through their childhood with me as their mom. They needed me to know they could do it too. When I knew, believed, & had hope...so did they. Here's the thing...if you can't see that break-through and healing is possible, you won't find it. It won't work. It IS POSSIBLE! You will "know" you can get your family to happy and healthy when you have to have the tools and strategies at your fingertips that will make the difference. Your vision is clearer when you are surrounded by people who are on the same journey. And your confidence in meeting your children right where they are at comes from the support of a mentor who has walked your path and is on the other side. The Intentional Parent Coaching Group is where I can show you how to meet your children right where they are at so that they can get to happy and healthy! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy, Stacy Manning Here in the U.S. it’s Labor Day today. And that means it’s the “Unofficial End of Summer.”
Another summer coming to a close. Another summer where I say “How the heck did that go so fast?” (Sheesh, I sound like my mother). For me, I love the change of seasons. It actually feels like a fresh start. A time to start anew. A time to re-evaluate…where I am and what I want to accomplish. A time to look at where my kiddos are and what we can do differently. How are you doing? Is your child doing well or are there somethings you need to work on? Is your relationship with your child strong and connected, or still a work in progress? Time to evaluate. Time to strategize. Time to try something new. Time to get a plan. I say, BRING IT ON FALL! I’m READY! With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy, Stacy Manning P.S. A new season is the perfect time to jump into my Intentional Parent Coaching Group. Let's make this change in season a great change for your and your family! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html The other day I was running an errand for my daughter. Picking up a piece of furniture for her, on the other side of the cities. Since I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t have a navigator with me, it was up to me (and Siri of course).
So…I typed in the address and hit go. No map reading needed. No thinking required. Just drive while Siri gave me step by step instructions. Thank goodness for smart phones, right? If only everything in life was that easy. Imagine if someone was telling us step by step instructions for parenting. Say this. Now do this. Stop here. How easy that would be. Well…we all know that’s not how it works. But, seriously, so many parents have asked me to give them the what to do and say in the moment. That’s one of the reasons I created the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. There are classes to take and workshops to attend. Lot of information and great ideas, but so often parents need someone to tweak it for their family. For their child. Someone to help them when they get stuck or to answer their questions now that they’re putting the tools into play. There are support groups out there. On line and in person. And I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with support. The support of those who get it because they live it. And that’s another reason I started the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. I truly believe parents need all the parts – the education with tools, a place to get a plan tweaked for your family and your questions answered, and the support that comes from those who get it. The Intentional Parent Coaching group is made up of all 3 of those parts.
Jump in now, try it for a month, and see what a BIG difference it’ll make. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html Can't wait to see you in group! Have you ever gotten to the point when you actually wondered if your child had more wrong with him then just attachment issues or trauma stuff...like, I mean really scary, sociopath stuff that will never heal?
It's not easy to admit. It's not where we want our lives to be. It's not what we want for our children. However, there can be times of such dis-regulation, sadness, confusion, and aggression that the fear of this possibility sets in for us as parents. I've talked to so many families who are dealing with the constant struggle with hard behaviors such as lying, stealing, or aggression. They also report that their children don't feel bad or never says "I'm sorry." And...it all seems to be getting bigger & bigger. They say the feel LOST and don't know what to do anymore. They're AFRAID. Afraid it'll never change. Sometimes afraid for their other children. And even afraid for themselves. I GET IT. We've been there and I never want to experience it again. I never want my children to be that hurt and scared ever again either. You are not alone. You're not doing it wrong. And most importantly, the majority of the time, your child isn't a budding sociopath. DON'T Be AFRAID. Fear breeds fear. When a human being, in this case your child, senses your fear and anxiety, it immediately raises his or hers as well. When our children are afraid or feel unsafe they fight to gain control - they're survivors. The fight is very real to them. Typically it includes harder behaviors, louder, more painful words, or just plain going away physically and or emotionally and more. It makes things worse. Fear sets in when you've exhausted everything you know. Fear blinds you when you're feeling alone. Fear feeds off of being emotionally challenged day in and day out. Fear dictates the quality of your life. Fear continues to exist as long as we let it...fear needs to be fought off! YOU CAN STOP BEING AFRAID. Here's How: You need tools that work, different tools and strategies then you know right now. If you're afraid of your child or how his future looks it's time to try something new. When we're doing it alone, it's easy to lose objectivity and clarity, which creates a perfect place for fear to flourish. Fight fear by being surrounded by other people walking your same path. By those who have made it to the other side who can say, "Oh yeah, we lived through that too and it will be okay. Here's what to do and say." The intensity of this journey can take its toll and fear creeps in the cracks. Being intentional about filling yourself up with support and health will strengthen you to fight off your fears. Your family deserves Happy and Healthy and fear can rob you of that without a fight. Having an action plan in place that is all about meeting your kiddos right where they're at is how you increase the quality of your life. The reality of the hurts, fears, sadness, missed milestones, confusion, lack of self-worth, irrational beliefs, and other hurdles your children fight each day can make life daunting. It does take specialized and intentional parenting. It does mean we have to show our children they deserve a No Matter What & For As Long As It Takes relationship...which is YOU. They do get intense and misunderstood. And they do get scary. The good news is...You CAN handle it and you don't have to be afraid! This is the kind of stuff the Intentional Parent Coaching Group was created from. The reality that we should not do this alone. The need to discover new ways to parent that meet our children right where they are at. The added strength and power that comes from being surrounded by other Parents who are fighting the same good fight. The clarity that comes with being heard and understood. I want to personally invite you to come and be a part of my Coaching Group. Your fears will fade away and all of that energy will be directed into making your healing plan work. Your family will feel the shift you have been looking for. No More Letting Fear Rule Your Family's Life! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html P.S. Unfortunately, there is a very small percentage of children who have been so hurt by their life experiences that living in a family is just too much. It is ultimately our job to keep them and the rest of our family safe (including YOURSELF). I am in no way suggesting that any family should endure physical or emotional abuse. As you may have seen from my video on my Facebook page this past weekend, I went to a concert with my daughter. Tim McGraw & Faith Hill. While I have to confess I didn’t know a lot about them, they were FANTASTIC. And wow, do they put on a good show! A definite win of a girl’s night out.
Listening to the words of Tim McGraw’s song Humble & Kind…what a great message. A great sentiment. Got me thinking about what I want for my kiddos. What I know now, after being on this journey of parenting for nearly 21 years, is I’m certain what I wish for my children. And I’m pretty sure my list today is not what my list would’ve been when I started. What I want for my children: For them to know that I will always be a soft place for them to land. For them to know and believe that they are worthy of the good in life . That they know that we are a No Matter What family…I’ll always be there for you. That they are HAPPY & HEALTHY. That’s it. Pretty simple. Pretty straightforward. I’m not worried if they get some high paying career. I’m not insisting they go to a 4 year college. I'm going for something that matters a whole lot more to me. Here’s to HAPPY & HEALTHY! With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy, Stacy Manning P.S. Happy and Healthy...it's what I'm helping get other families to as well. I'd love to help you get you and your family to Happy & Healthy. Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group today. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html So many times your children get labeled the naughty child.
Unfortunately, teachers are under a lot of pressure to care for and teach large groups of kiddos and that doesn't leave them the opportunity to figure out why your child is struggling or how they can help him/her to succeed. And in the craziness of every day life, it is our children who can't sit down and conform like the rest of the class, who don't read the non-verbal cues and social nuances correctly so they stick out, who because of their reality are so hyper-vigilant they miss directions, can't concentrate much less remember what they need to, and who don't have cause and effect thinking to help them fit-in. Their CAN'Ts are misinterpreted as WON'Ts. They quickly become that child. Then, when what that teacher knows how to do doesn't work...that child can really pay the price. Here are just a few things I would recommend putting in place to avoid having your child be that child this school year: 1. Ask your child's teacher to be an extension of you, not a replacement for you.
2. Put in place a fail-proof communication plan with teacher.
3. Help create a plan with your child's teacher that will help your child feel emotionally safe.
I do want to make sure that I say very clearly that I believe that 99% of teachers do care and want our children to succeed. It's just that they have a hard job and they (like many of us) were not really trained properly to help our children heal. So...it's important we work together! I know, it is really hard to explain this stuff. And I get that sometimes your child is a whole other person in school. However, I also know that if you can get you child's school day calmer and more successful, your whole family would be affected...and in a really good way. SO, I want to personally invite you to join my Coaching Group. Let me teach you more tools and strategies that you can put in place to create the shift you all deserve! Oh and just click this link http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html to find out about the BONUS I'm offering this month only to the Intentional Parent Coaching Group Members. This is a bonus that will make it very easy for you to say all you need to say to your child's teacher! See you in group! |
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