Being the Mom is a full time job, no matter what the circumstances. And being the Mom of a special needs child (or 2 or 3 or more) is even beyond that...I know, I am both! I have been doing both, and more, for 17 years now and I am glad to say I have learned much!
One of the most important things I have learned is that taking care of me is as important as taking care of everyone else...actually it may be more important. I learned that if I didn't take care of me, I really didn't have the capacity to take care of anyone very well. In order to be an Intentional Parent, you really need clarity and energy.
I learned that to get that clarity and energy, to be really successful at being a GREAT Mom to everyone in my home I needed to: EMBRACE MY LIFE and NOT JUST SURVIVE IT!
Here are some thoughts to consider as you try to Embrace Your Life:
Just surviving our life leaves us feeling helpless and hopeless. It causes wrinkles, jumpiness, decreased energy, gray hair, and more.
Choosing to Embrace our life - one moment at a time - helps to empower us, to help us feel strong and in control of our destiny. It causes smiles, the ability to read the situation, and be intentional about our choices, confidence, tons of energy, peacefulness within ourselves and SO MUCH MORE!
I am calling all you Moms and Dads out there...If I can do this, so can you! Fight for it; your family deserves the best!
P.S. I'd be honored to help you make your action plan to meet your child right where they are at - THAT IS Where Healing Happens. Join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group and we'll get YOU a plan.
Well, just to be sure we are getting into the holiday swing here, the weather is a combination of freezing rain to snow. If I wasn't ready before, this weather shift always pushes me to face the reality - the big holiday season starts in under a week.
Seventeen years ago, we celebrated our first Thanksgiving as a family of 8. We had just finalized our adoption and brought our girls home. Wow, talk about facing reality.
I had all of these DREAMS for my daughters. My dreams included laughter, smiles, hugs, loving feelings, time together, sharing, new traditions, family, more and more family.
There was some of that sprinkled in, but some of those dreams were missing and the missing stuff (plus some not-so-great behavior/words) were blamed on the facts that we were speaking different languages, the newness of it all, and everyone just being overwhelmed.
Honestly, as time passed it got more and more difficult.
The holidays looked great to the outsiders. All the kids (3 biological boys and 3 adopted girls) were dressed up cute. There were smiles on their faces as they opened gifts from Grandmas and Grandpas. They tried all the delicious treats and said please and thank you nicely.
However, on the inside it was a whole different story altogether!
Inside our family was a MESS!
The girls were miserable and acted out constantly (when others weren't looking). The boys were totally thrown off by all of the chaos that happened behind our closed doors. Our marriage was stressed.
We distanced ourselves from others because we felt judged and unsupported. I felt like an awful Mom, Wife, Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece, Cousin, and Friend. I really felt very alone.
Out of a deep desire to get my family back in shape, I began doing things very differently and our mess began to take on a new more positive and happy feel.
I tweaked and tweaked how I parented. I researched, read, and attended any training for adoptive and foster parents I could. I found the tools and techniques that worked to help us all enjoy the holidays.
I learned to meet my children right where they were at and they began to be more and more successful - soon my family was in such a better place! (And so was I).
If you are like I was and you dream of giving your children the experience of a loving, joyful, peaceful, family-filled holiday, it would be my honor to help you get a plan in place that would include knowing your whole child, identifying the impacts of trauma your child is tripping over, measuring his/her emotional age, and tools and techniques that you need to be successful (and so much more)!
You'll be ready to tackle the tantrums and crabbiness head on, create a holiday time where your family and friends help you help your children not sabotage you at every turn, and start looking forward to the holidays yourself!
We are diving into strategies for the holidays in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group to help you look forward to and enjoy the holidays more...
1. We've added #1 Best Selling Class Surviving The Holidays into the Learning Library in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group for members to use free of charge and at their convenience. This class also includes the Surviving the Holidays Checklist and a Template for a letter to family and friends to help them support you better.
2. Every week we are doing a LIVE Q & A so you can zero in on your holiday and fine tuning your plan so that it works!
3. For the Month of December, the coaching group will be 50% off. Just use the discount code MyGiftToYou.
It's the perfect time - Let's get you started!
Just click this link, www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group
Join the Group, Watch for an Email, Get into the closed Facebook Group and then into the Learning Library and get started with the Surviving the Holidays class....then I'll see you in the Live session.
You are going to be so relieved!
As November National Adoption Month was approaching, I was trying to decide what is the absolute best way I can support YOU. It quickly became clear that it was You and I, just the two of us, working side-by-side to put together an action plan specifically for your family!
Learning how to be an Intentional Parent is so crucial and takes making a choice to try new parenting techniques and to take a look at yourself and make some tweaks. It's a decision to open your mind to learn about the brain and the impacts of trauma and to commit to No Matter What. It really is a choice. A choice that allows us to meet our kiddos right where they are at.
And what I know for sure is that meeting your child right where he's at for as long as it takes is the key to healing and to creating new brain wiring and new core beliefs.The clincher here is the "right where they are at" part.
I know that if we work together to form a very detailed action plan that combines identifying the specific impacts of trauma your child is facing every day, zeroing in on their emotional age, and taking into consideration the other pieces of your "whole child" and combine all of that with strategies and tools that work, we will be creating the shift you have been waiting for.
Here's what I'm doing...
In honor of National Adoption Month, I am giving a FREE Private Coaching Session to every member of my Coaching Group. Every. Single. Member. This is for YOU.
Let's get YOUR FREE COACHING SESSION Scheduled and get your plan in place. Click this link to join the Intentional Parent Coaching Group and then go to the Files Section on the Closed Facebook Page to find the link to schedule your appointment.
I watched a family dealing with grief this weekend; it reminded me again of how important it is for me as an Intentional Parent to never forget the impact that grief and loss had and still has on my adopted children.
It's a part of who they are. The loss of their biological family has impacted them at their core. The reality is that it doesn’t stop them too much anymore, but it used to. As I look ahead, I think it will come into play when we deal with big life changing events like marriage and children.
What does grief look like in a child? I think too many times we miss it!
We expect it to look a certain way and when we don’t see that specific picture we think it isn’t an issue. Unfortunately, grief is often misinterpreted as misbehavior, defiance, and just not caring.
Children only have a very short list of behaviors they can use to express their emotions. These behaviors will be used to express a variety of emotions and we as their parents have to know that this includes the sadness and loss they inevitably feel from losing those first attachment figures.
It's up to us to know and to understand. It's up to us as Intentional Adoptive & Foster Parents to meet them where they are emotionally!
To believe them and honor those times when they express emotion about the losses in their life.
To "know" when ugly behavior is pain not defiance.
It is scary and uncomfortable to see our children hurt that way, but allowing them to bring it to us is truly being the safety net they need. Just listen. Comfort them. Tell them you are sorry they have to have this hurt.
I hurt for my daughters.
I'm sad for all the loss they suffered at such young ages. I see them deal with it, each in their own way. We've always talked about it as openly as possible. Sometimes they grieved with anger, sometimes with absolute heart-wrenching sadness and sometimes they kept it in the quiet places of their minds, just figuring out how to go forward.
These losses are a part of their story. Their identity. The ramifications of them will impact how they make choices in life, how they love, and how they live - to be sure. But, my hope is that they are able to grieve these losses so that they are able to transform their lives into whatever they choose for themselves!
Meet your adopted or foster child right where he's at and sometimes that means sadness out of nowhere, hard behaviors during family events, and avoiding feelings altogether.
Knowing that that is what grief looks like on your child and being intentional creates a whole new opportunity for YOU to be their person...the one who gets them completely. The one who will finally assure them that they are worthy of love.
P.S. If you're looking to surround yourself with tools and support, join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group for Adoptive & Foster Parents.
I am so excited...this is going to be an AMAZING month! It's National Adoption Month and we are celebrating. Be sure to read this whole email because quite honestly there is something for everyone.
I've heard lots of these stories over the year and there's one thing I know for sure...they are always beautiful! So one way we will be celebrating is by posting Adoption Stories on my Facebook Page each day of the month...and I would LOVE to share yours.
Please send your story to firstname.lastname@example.org. You can put it in an email or send it as an mp4. Feel free to include a picture or not - whatever you feel is safest for your child. And absolutely change names if you would like to as well. Thanks so much for your help!
My new obsession...and these were created just for you, my friends! There are two choices: "Be Intentional" and/or "family...DNA not required". I love to add my favorite essential oil to the inside of the leather band and enjoy the scent all day long. Treat yourself and even use them to nurture your closest relationships. There's even a discount code below.
Our discount code is: FAMILY5DOLLARS. It's good for $5 off items on their website: createhopecuffs.com.
And it's good through Dec. 31st, 2017. (I do not make any money on this product; however a portion of the proceeds go to educating children of the Bheveni Community in Swaziland, Africa.)
Surround Yourself With People That Get It & A Plan That Works!
(the best for last)
Here's the thing...I am extremely passionate about making sure no family walks this journey alone and this month I am adding even more to the Intentional Parent Coaching Group to support you even better.
Here are only a couple of the exciting things going on this month in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group, in addition to our weekly LIVE sessions, Learning Library packed with my top selling classes and deeply discounted Private Coaching Sessions:
1. I was going to do drawings for Private Coaching Sessions in my Coaching Group each week this month, but I changed my mind...I am giving EVERY MEMBER of my coaching group one FREE 45 minute Private Coaching Session via the phone.
Yep, every single one of you!
(This is a 45 minute session per family. It can be used immediately or banked and then can be used later as long as you are an active member of the Coaching Group and have sent in your Family App)
2. I will be adding my most popular class, "Handling the Holidays," to the Learning Library in the Coaching Group starting 11/2 and will be holding a Live Q&A in regards to that class so that members can ask specific questions about their holiday plans.
The Holidays DON'T Have to be Horrible!
If you are looking for things to change for the better,
If you need a plan that works,
If you are tired of doing this alone, you belong in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group.
This is your month. I would be honored to teach you tools and strategies that will make life way more doable...even enjoyable. Just click this link to join me.
You can do this and I'm right here to cheer you on and show you that it works!