It's that time of year again...Back to School. Once again, as Intentional Parents, we need to see with our hearts and our heads, not only our eyes. We need to support our children through this school year meeting them right where they are – seeing the whole child not just the outside survivor! It is a very INTENTIONAL mindset!
For many of our kids, school is HARD! The bus ride is even HARDER! It can really force them back to their SURVIVOR SELF! Think about it; it is a survival of the fittest kind of feel some days. Do you have the right clothes, the right shoes, are you tall enough, cool enough, do you use the right lingo? Beyond that your family may be different from others, you’ve seen SO much, adults have hurt you, kids have hurt you, you don’t think you are smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough and on and on. No wonder it is so hard for our kids! As Intentional Parents, we can help them best if we can see things as DEFICIT not DEFIANCE!
Some of our kids cover it pretty well. Some of them even become the PERFECT student. They internalize the belief that if they are a good student they are worthy of good things. We want them to internalize that we believe they are worthy just because of who they are (our child), not what they do. That we will be there for them NO MATTER WHAT! We have to verbalize this reality over and over and then back it up with action! Back them up, be their cheerleader. Teach them balance. Teach them what it means to have a “one and only”!
Some of our kids will not be able to cover so easily. But once again it is about their core belief about themselves and so we must remind them that even though they don’t believe they can do it, even though they feel so different from everyone else, even though they are worried about losing us when they are not with us – we will be there as long as it takes and NO MATTER WHAT! We understand that there is an emotion behind the behavior that needs caring for. We are clear that children who are working on attaching have a hard time doing academic work as well. We know that their struggle is not because “he isn’t trying” hard enough. We are there for our child, seeing his whole self - NO MATTER WHAT!
Seeing the situation with a clear Intentional Parent Mindset isn’t always easy. This is where we start swimming upstream – against the current, a different direction than everyone else! The really GREAT news is that this is where HEALING happens because this is where our child REALLY begins to understand what it means to have someone there for them No Matter What. They begin to internalize that they are worthy of good things in life because THEY matter! With those kinds of messages impacting their core belief about themselves, over time they will be freed up to learn and explore the world so much more freely!
So when we are trying to help with homework, educate teachers, deal with ugly behavior, we must remember to use an Intentional Parent Mindset. As we parent our child who has lost so much, we must always look behind the behavior (positive and negative) and meet the emotional needs that are there!