I recently got a call from an Adoptive mom. She was feeling down. Discouraged. And the really hard part…feeling like a bad mom.
Mom and her family had just gotten back from a family gathering. In the past, her little guy would bounce off the walls at family gatherings. He ran around with his cousins, laughing loudly, and looked to be having a great time. But eventually, it would come to a halt…either with one of the cousins coming to say he wasn’t playing nice or him coming to mom having a meltdown.
This time it was going to be different. Mom was keeping him close. He had bag of fun things to keep him entertained. And he did better. WAY better. No meltdown. No bouncing off the walls. He was so much calmer.
But then came the questioning. The doubting. Mom’s parents and sister-in-law questioned her. Over and over. Why couldn’t he go play with the other kids? Why did he have to stay so close to Mom? You seem controlling.
Mom fought back the tears…until she got home. She felt judged. She felt like she had to defend how she was parenting.
When we’re parenting differently than other people, others sometimes question. Doubt. And they can seem critical. And that’s not easy. Especially when it comes from our family or friends.
Here’s the hard part…sometimes WE are biggest critics. We question. We doubt. Am I the wrong parent for the job? Am I making things worse?
Have you ever felt like that? If so…I’ll tell you what I told this Mom.
You ARE doing a great job! You are meeting your child right where he’s at…and that is a GIFT for your child.
You are doing a GREAT job! You are helping your child succeed…and that is a GIFT for your child.
YOU are doing a great job! You are the right parent for your child. You are giving your child the BEST GIFT of all…a No Matter What parent!!
Give yourself grace. Give yourself a 5 second pat on the back. You deserve it!!
P.S. - If you're an Adoptive or Foster Parent, come be surrounded by support on the journey getting YOUR family to happy & healthy! http://www.tohavehope.com/waitlist.html
Marriage. It’s wonderful and a blessing…but it takes work.
Just as we are being intentional as Adoptive and Foster Parents, we need to be intentional about our relationships with our spouses.
It can be easy to slide on this one…taking it for granted because we are busy and exhausted from all that we pout into our kiddos and all that we manage as parents. By the time our kiddos’ heads finally hit the pillows, we are done. Worn out. And ready to crash ourselves.
But it's important to nurture our closest relationships. It fact, it’s CRUCIAL!
Tonight in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group, I’ve invited Lisa Qualls to come speak about nurturing your marriage. She is the mom of twelve amazing kids by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. More than thirty years ago she married Russ; they had no idea the adventures awaiting them. They celebrated their 32nd anniversary by becoming foster parents.
Lisa’s adoption journey has been marked by joy as well as challenges of trauma and attachment. Lisa is passionate about caring for children from “hard places.” She earnestly believes in the power of Jesus to heal children’s broken hearts and wounded minds.
She is a TBRI Practitioner and works for Fostering Idaho.
Lisa writes the blog One Thankful Mom and is currently launching her brand new podcast, The AdoptionConnection. You can find Lisa on all social media as One Thankful Mom.
Make sure you take time to nurture your marriage. It will benefit you, your spouse, and your child!.