The other day I was running an errand for my daughter. Picking up a piece of furniture for her, on the other side of the cities. Since I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t have a navigator with me, it was up to me (and Siri of course).

So…I typed in the address and hit go. No map reading needed. No thinking required. Just drive while Siri gave me step by step instructions. Thank goodness for smart phones, right?

If only everything in life was that easy. Imagine if someone was telling us step by step instructions for parenting. Say this. Now do this. Stop here. How easy that would be.

Well…we all know that’s not how it works. But, seriously, so many parents have asked me to give them the what to do and say in the moment. That’s one of the reasons I created the Intentional Parent Coaching Group.

There are classes to take and workshops to attend. Lot of information and great ideas, but so often parents need someone to tweak it for their family. For their child. Someone to help them when they get stuck or to answer their questions now that they’re putting the tools into play.

There are support groups out there. On line and in person. And I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with support. The support of those who get it because they live it. And that’s another reason I started the Intentional Parent Coaching Group.

I truly believe parents need all the parts – the education with tools, a place to get a plan tweaked for your family and your questions answered, and the support that comes from those who get it.

The Intentional Parent Coaching group is made up of all 3 of those parts.

1. We meet online weekly to get you a plan. To get your questions answered.
2. There’s an entire learning library of classes and trainings for you to watch. Jammed packed with tools that work!
3. A closed FB page only for members. To ask questions, vent, cheer, support, cry. A safe place where you’ll feel supported and cared for.

So…if you’re an adoptive or foster parent, no matter where you are on the journey, you belong in the coaching.

Jump in now, try it for a month, and see what a BIG difference it’ll make.
http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html

Can't wait to see you in group!

Have you ever gotten to the point when you actually wondered if your child had more wrong with him then just attachment issues or trauma stuff...like, I mean really scary, sociopath stuff that will never heal?  

It's not easy to admit. It's not where we want our lives to be. It's not what we want for our children. However, there can be times of such dis-regulation, sadness, confusion, and aggression that the fear of this possibility sets in for us as parents.

I've talked to so many families who are dealing with the constant struggle with hard behaviors such as lying, stealing, or aggression. 

They also report that their children don't feel bad or never says "I'm sorry." 

And...it all seems to be getting bigger & bigger. They say the feel LOST and don't know what to do anymore. 

They're AFRAID. Afraid it'll never change. Sometimes afraid for their other children. And even afraid for themselves. 

I GET IT. We've been there and I never want to experience it again. I never want my children to be that hurt and scared ever again either.

You are not alone. You're not doing it wrong. And most importantly, the majority of the time, your child isn't a budding sociopath.     

DON'T Be AFRAID. Fear breeds fear. 

When a human being, in this case your child, senses your fear and anxiety, it immediately raises his or hers as well.

When our children are afraid or feel unsafe they fight to gain control - they're survivors. The fight is very real to them. Typically it includes harder behaviors, louder, more painful words, or just plain going away physically and or emotionally and more.  

It makes things worse.

Fear sets in when you've exhausted everything you know.

Fear blinds you when you're feeling alone. 

Fear feeds off of being emotionally challenged day in and day out.

Fear dictates the quality of your life.
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Fear continues to exist as long as we let it...fear needs to be fought off!

YOU CAN STOP BEING AFRAID.

Here's How:
You need tools that work, different tools and strategies then you know right now. If you're afraid of your child or how his future looks it's time to try something new.

When we're doing it alone, it's easy to lose objectivity and clarity, which creates a perfect place for fear to flourish. Fight fear by being surrounded by other people walking your same path. By those who have made it to the other side who can say, "Oh yeah, we lived through that too and it will be okay. Here's what to do and say."   

The intensity of this journey can take its toll and fear creeps in the cracks. Being intentional about filling yourself up with support and health will strengthen you to fight off your fears. 

Your family deserves Happy and Healthy and fear can rob you of that without a fight. Having an action plan in place that is all about meeting your kiddos right where they're at is how you increase the quality of your life.  

The reality of the hurts, fears, sadness, missed milestones, confusion, lack of self-worth, irrational beliefs, and other hurdles your children fight each day can make life daunting.

It does take specialized and intentional parenting. 

It does mean we have to show our children they deserve a No Matter What & For As Long As It Takes relationship...which is YOU.

They do get intense and misunderstood. And they do get scary. 

The good news is...You CAN handle it and you don't have to be afraid!

This is the kind of stuff the Intentional Parent Coaching Group was created from. The reality that we should not do this alone. The need to discover new ways to parent that meet our children right where they are at. The added strength and power that comes from being surrounded by other Parents who are fighting the same good fight.  The clarity that comes with being heard and understood. 

I want to personally invite you to come and be a part of my Coaching Group.

Your fears will fade away and all of that energy will be directed into making your healing plan work. Your family will feel the shift you have been looking for.     
   
No More Letting Fear Rule Your Family's Life! 
http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html

P.S. Unfortunately, there is a very small percentage of children who have been so hurt by their life experiences that living in a family is just too much. It is ultimately our job to keep them and the rest of our family safe (including YOURSELF). I am in no way suggesting that any family should endure physical or emotional abuse.  

As you may have seen from my video on my Facebook page this past weekend, I went to a concert with my daughter. Tim McGraw & Faith Hill. While I have to confess I didn’t know a lot about them, they were FANTASTIC. And wow, do they put on a good show! A definite win of a girl’s night out.

Listening to the words of Tim McGraw’s song Humble & Kind…what a great message. A great sentiment.

Got me thinking about what I want for my kiddos.

What I know now, after being on this journey of parenting for nearly 21 years, is I’m certain what I wish for my children. And I’m pretty sure my list today is not what my list would’ve been when I started.

What I want for my children:

For them to know that I will always be a soft place for them to land.

For them to know and believe that they are worthy of the good in life
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That they know that we are a No Matter What family…I’ll always be there for you.

That they are HAPPY & HEALTHY.

That’s it. Pretty simple. Pretty straightforward. I’m not worried if they get some high paying career. I’m not insisting they go to a 4 year college. I'm going for something that matters a whole lot more to me.

Here’s to HAPPY & HEALTHY!

With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy,
Stacy Manning

P.S. Happy and Healthy...it's what I'm helping get other families to as well. I'd love to help you get you and your family to Happy & Healthy. Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group today. 
http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html

So many times your children get labeled the naughty child. 
Unfortunately, teachers are under a lot of pressure to care for and teach large groups of kiddos and that doesn't leave them the opportunity to figure out why your child is struggling or how they can help him/her to succeed.

And in the craziness of every day life, it is our children who can't sit down and conform like the rest of the class, who don't read the non-verbal cues and social nuances correctly so they stick out, who because of their reality are so hyper-vigilant they miss directions, can't concentrate much less remember what they need to, and who don't have cause and effect thinking to help them fit-in.

Their CAN'Ts are misinterpreted as WON'Ts. They quickly become that child. 

Then, when what that teacher knows how to do doesn't work...that child can really pay the price. 

Here are just a few things I would recommend putting in place to avoid having your child be that child this school year:

1. Ask your child's teacher to be an extension of you, not a replacement for you.

• Share a list of the impacts of trauma your child struggles with.   
  
• Share a list of your child's triggers with the teacher.
  
• Give her a few tools you use to help your child calm.
  
• Ask the teacher to reference you often to your child.

2. Put in place a fail-proof communication plan with teacher. ​

• It's important that your child knows that everyone is on the same team.
  
• Don't be triangulated.

3. Help create a plan with your child's teacher that will help your child feel emotionally safe.

• Decrease stimuli when needed
  
• No behavior charts
  
• Help child to connect with you some time in the day.

I do want to make sure that I say very clearly that I believe that 99% of teachers do care and want our children to succeed. It's just that they have a hard job and they (like many of us) were not really trained properly to help our children heal. So...it's important we work together!
  
I know, it is really hard to explain this stuff. And I get that sometimes your child is a whole other person in school. However, I also know that if you can get you child's school day calmer and more successful, your whole family would be affected...and in a really good way.

SO, I want to personally invite you to join my Coaching Group. Let me teach you more tools and strategies that you can put in place to create the shift you all deserve! Oh and just click this link 
http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html to find out about the BONUS I'm offering this month only to the Intentional Parent Coaching Group Members. This is a bonus that will make it very easy for you to say all you need to say to your child's teacher!    

See you in group!

My Adopted or Foster Child just keeps making the same hurtful choice over and over again. He just doesn't care. Sticker charts don't even work. Neither consequences or rewards motivate him. She's doing it on purpose. Sound familiar? 

I hear these and more frustrations time and time again from Adoptive & Foster Parents and they all boil down to one very common impact of trauma...the inability to use Cause & Effect Thinking. 

Children begin to develop Cause & Effect thinking as early as eight months old. An inconsistent, chaotic, or unsafe environment gets in the way of a child getting though this developmental stage.

Cause & Effect thinking allows us to make assumptions and be able to reason about things that happen around us. Like if I don't water the plant, it'll die. It also helps us understand other people's intentions and behaviors.  

Let me just say it this way...sticker charts don't work with our Adopted & Foster kiddos because they don't get that if I do A then B will happen. As a matter of fact, most of the time the expectation and anxiety that failing to succeed on the sticker chart creates worse behavior.   

And they are not making the same choice over and over again to be hurtful; it's because they don't understand that the choice they are making effects the outcome.

​The lack of Cause & Effect Thinking keeps our kids from accomplishing good things too. "If I don't understand how my choice = a specific outcome, then I don't understand that if I practice or for it, I can get what I want.

Your child DOES Care; she just doesn't get that what she says or does has an impact on something or someone else!

Did you just have a light bulb moment?
Does this sound like someone you know?

Knowing the Impact of Trauma, how they look on your child, and what to do about them is a GAME CHANGER for Adoptive & Foster Parents. 

Knowing this stuff and having tools & strategies to put in place to help your child heal is what's going to help you stay in it with your child. Really getting this will equip you to meet your child where he's at and that's WHERE THE HEALING HAPPENS!

Let me teach you all about the impacts of trauma and how to put an action plan full of tools and strategies that work in place for your child! Come and be part of my Intentional Parent Coaching Group today! 
http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html

Another big impact of trauma is what I call the Swiss Cheese Effect. Check it out.

Just a quick note to share something really important I have found in working with adoptive & foster families all around the globe. Creating opportunities in which your adopted or foster child can be SUCCESSFUL is key to a strong connection between he/she and YOU. 

A strong connection between YOU and your child is key to (among many other things) his success in gaining the ability to REGULATE his own emotions, behaviors and thoughts.   

Wow! CAN YOU IMAGINE the impact that would have on your child's every day? Not to mention yours and quite honestly the overall quality of life for your whole family.

I hear you asking...well, reality is I asked the same question years ago too. But how do you create those opportunities when sometimes it's so hard it seems impossible?

I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that it all starts with parenting from your child's EMOTIONAL AGE. 

Our children CAN succeed as long as we meet them where they are at. Yes, it's different. Yes, it's counter-intuitive. YES, it works. YES, you can do it; you just need to know how. 

First, you need to be clear about your child's Emotional Age Range. Then you have to use tools and strategies that help you meet them at that age range. And have an action plan that is based in parenting across the board from your child's emotional age range.

A connection built on meeting your child right where he is at = a shift that increases the quality of your whole families life.  

Your child is more successful in all of his relationships - especially the one between you and he. The scene is set for New Brain Wiring to happen and for New Core Beliefs to begin to develop. Mastery of Developmental Milestones can be gained. A much more secure connection is being formed. 

And that Secure Connection is where your child's ability to regulate better grows from. It all starts from meeting them where they are at...and the most successful way to do that is to Parent from their Emotional Age!

SO, No More Imagining...let me help you zero in on your child's Emotional Age Range and learn to Parent from there! Your WHOLE family will feel the positive impact!

In the video class Emotional Age Matters, you will get the tools to determine your child's emotional age range and then tips and strategies to parent from there, meeting your child right where he's at while still honoring his chronological age. It can be a juggle, but it IS possible. And it's what your child needs.

It's a game changer!

My goal is to get an action place in plan for you and your family. One that includes looking at your whole child, meeting him right where he's at, and staying in it for as long as it takes. One that begins from his EMOTIONAL AGE!    

Success. Increased Quality of Life. The Shift you have been waiting for! The Intentional Parent Coaching Group  Take action today! JOIN US!