 As I talk to parents all around the world, one of the repeating themes is learning or as many refer to it - school. It doesn't matter if it is public, private or home - learning and all that entails is a challenge for our children.
Studies show that children who have had difficult pasts (loss of a bio parent, an anxious parent, abuse, neglect, and many other diagnoses) struggle with the learning experience. These children have a hard time academically, behaviorally and with making and retaining positive friendships. Parents confide in me that they feel trapped and don't know how to help their children be more successful. They deal with melt downs of huge proportions around school work, they get called from school regularly due to their child's disrespectful or aggressive behavior and that sometimes it just seems like their child doesn't care. It is such a huge stumbling block for many, many families. As with any challenge, we work together to pinpoint the changes that would make their child's learning journey a more positive and successful one. Then we focus in on tools and techniques parents can use to help make those changes happen. The changes typically fall in one of five categories...meeting your child where he is at, creating a learning environment that fits your child's needs, calming the limbic system, being in an environment that supports practice and educating and arming other key people on your child's path. Getting everything aligned is key! And when you do you find yourself dealing with a happier, calmer, more successful child. That kind of change affects the whole family! You CAN do something about it but you've got to GO FOR IT! I want to help you take a look at every angle. There are so many options when it comes to creating a more successful schooling experience. When you have all the information, you can make a more informed and effective plan. We are going to dig deep into every aspect of the process...Join me and only 24 others for an in-depth series on learning and enjoy a VERY DIFFERENT school year beginning this fall. Your family does NOT have to be miserable all for the sake of learning! You need an action plan that is full of tried and true techniques that really work! Join me in my next session Your Child's Learning Journey and watch your family begin to THRIVE! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-master-series.html Intentional Parent Master Series: Your Child's LEARNING Journey is ALL NEW. Come and join me, 2 other Education Experts and an exclusive group of 25 families to make the biggest positive change your family has felt in a long time!
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 Most behavior that you get called about, the behavior that gets your child moved to a quieter area or smaller group or ultimately to the guidance counselor, is behavior based out of his being triggered. He is unable to manage all the stimulus and emotion involved with being in his learning situation. And NOBODY sees him struggling, much less knows what to do about it so finally,BOOM, it all let loose and your child is pushing a peer or talking back to a teacher or worse.
Can you imagine living life just waiting for the bottom to fall out of everything? I am talking every minute of every day you feel unsafe - and most of the time you can't even explain the feeling. There is just this constant feeling of dread or uneasiness. There are noises, directions and transitions that you don't understand or that take you by surprise. Your heart beats quickly, your respirations increase and you are on high alert to everything going on around you all at once. Trying to manage everything so you can feel safe. The change happens when WE create a learning environment in which our children feel safe. Feeling safe is essential to being able to concentrate, follow directions and learn. Emotional safety allows your child to be successful in all aspects of learning - academics, behavior and relationships. So how do you create a safe learning environment for your child? You can't do it alone. You make concrete physical changes to the learning environment and you also make important changes to how those around your child experiences him. He deserves to have people really get him! Where do you start? You start by being an Intentional Parent - you take the message of why and how to friends, family and especially EDUCATORS. You create a relationship with adults that work with your child based on the hows of keeping your child emotionally safe! You can absolutely do this and I want to show you how. Join me for an in-depth series on learning and enjoy a VERY DIFFERENT school year beginning this fall. Your family does NOT have to be miserable all for the sake of learning! You need an action plan that is full of tried and true techniques that really work! It is very important that you make this commitment to your family right away because in order to do it right I have decided I am only going to work with the first 25 families that sign up! Look, you deserve this and so does your child. Get an action plan to put in place immediately - things will change! Join me in my next session Your Child's Learning Journey and watch your family begin to THRIVE! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-master-series.html Intentional Parent Master Series: Your Child's LEARNING Journey is ALL NEW. I Come and join me, 2 other Education Experts and an exclusive group of 25 families to make the biggest positive change your family has felt in a long time!  Sometimes as parents we get frustrated and sad because others don't understand the challenges we face. They don't know the difficulty of the journey. We want so much for the world to see what a real day-in-the-life of parenting our (adopted, foster, special needs, ADD, ADHD, autistic, sensitive, anxious, ...) children.
We feel judged. Ignored. Unsupported. But if we want it to change, we need to work hard to... see it differently! say it differently! and do it differently! Let's not let see ourselves through the filter our child has ended up with...or the skewed view of those that haven't lived it. Don't become bitter or afraid. Don't blame or get frozen. Don't doubt yourself or your support system. We are good parents who are trying to do the RIGHT THING. Let's use words to express our feelings that are rooted from the voice of that parent that knows this is a hard job, knows that their child has deficits or struggles, knows that this is a process, knows that others really can't understand unless they've lived it, believes they deserve support and KNOWS THEY CAN DO IT! Let's do it with the dignity, strength, tenacity, hope, fire and passion of the people we are deep down inside. The parents that know this is the right thing to do! YOU can make a difference for yourself and other parents on this journey. Speak Out. Take Classes. Educate Your Support System. Engage in conversations on Facebook. Try New Techniques. Try Old Things Again As you see it differently, you will begin to say it differently, which will energize you to do it differently! This kind of commitment can not be ignored or judged negatively and it will overwhelmingly earn the respect of those who you need support from.  I get thousands of questions a year regarding school and learning and in my most recent poll 75% of my readers also confirmed that school (public, private or homeschool) was a challenge for both the student and parent alike. Well, here's what is so sad about that statistic...school is where your kids spend the majority of their life. Learning should be a positive experience where children can find their passions. Where they can focus on what they are good at. Build self-esteem. Feel emotionally safe. Practice building and maintaining positive relationships with loving adults to guide them. Unfortunately, too many times it just isn't working out that way!
I guess the most common comment I hear is, "I don't really know what we can do about it, we are just the parents." Well, here's the thing - there is A LOT you can do about it! I know, it seems like the school is in charge or the powers that be in your state mandate what you do as a homeschooler. Sure, to some degree those are both true statements. However, there's an endless amount of things you CAN do that will help your children learn more easily, support them in using behavior that is appropriate, and work with the other adults in their lives to create learning opportunities in which they can succeed! Where do you start? You start by being an Intentional Parent - if it is not working, dig deep to find out why and come up with another option. Your family does NOT have to be miserable all for the sake of learning! You need an action plan that is full of tried and true techniques that really work! I am so thrilled to be able to offer you a VERY DIFFERENT school year beginning this fall AND I am going to give you all the tools and techniques you need to make it happen! Intentional Parent Master Series: Your Child's LEARNING Journey is ALL NEW. I formulated together years and years of personal and client experiences, trial and error, and research together into this incredible series just for YOU! Come and join me, 2 other Education Experts and an exclusive group of 25 families to make the biggest positive change your family has felt in a long time! I want you to know I get it - I have lived it. It's a shift in thinking, it's a shift in how you look at things, how you speak, how you listen, what tools you use, how you move forward. It IS a shift that WORKS! And the greatest part is that IT IS DOABLE! ***If you can't meet with us on the night of the class that is okay, I have you covered. You get to listen to the recording at your convenience and you get to send in a question for me to answer. Look, you deserve this and so does your child. Get an action plan to put in place immediately - things will change! Okay so let me say it again...I can only work this closely with a group of 25 and be effective - 25 is the cap! Get Your Spot TODAY! Join me in my next session Your Child's Learning Journey and watch your family begin to THRIVE! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-master-series.html  I know this journey is full of many ups and downs. I know you are tired. I know you are doing your best. I know lots of times you wonder if it is enough.
I just wanted to remind you that most likely you have done more in the good and loving category for your child than anyone else in their life. That is more than just enough; that is HEALING! I also want to remind you that this is a long process. It is hard to see the progress sometimes, but that doesn't mean it is not there. It is there, maybe just sprouting, but it is there. Keep tending it. One last thing I wanted to remind you about...don't forget to take care of YOU. You are your child's best chance at healing and you can do that better when you are filled up! You'll see, you will look back and see the difference you made. Might not be the picture you had when you decided on this path, but it will be the picture of a heart that was healed never the less. Keep On Keepin' On!  The weekend is nearly here - time to fill YOU up. But the struggle comes into play for many parents - is it worth it when I have to deal with more behavior afterwards. Yes, you need to make time for you. But what you do ahead of time can make all the difference in the world. It's about being INTENTIONAL.
Last week I did a Facebook Live video about taking some time for you, WITHOUT all the fallout afterwards. I shared a tool that sounds a little strange, or maybe a lot strange, but it really works. If you are needing some time to fill you up, this is for YOU! Watch the full video here. Remember... you are not alone. Stacy Manning  I was talking to a mom a couple of weeks ago and she was talking about not really knowing where to go anymore. She was overwhelmed and exhausted. She even said that there were many times a week she wondered if she was the right person to raise her daughter. She said no matter what she did - she didn't feel like anything was changing.
We continued to talk about how long the process of healing is and that there are stages of healing, but many times they are not only hard to see or feel but that we don't even know what they are. The reality is if we don't know what those stages are, we can't really help our child through them. Always having to just play defense is exhausting! Constantly having to react to the unknown without any plan, without tools or techniques that work towards changing hard stuff, and all the while feeling like you are alone in it all is EXHAUSTING! Here's the thing...I told her and I want to tell you too, if you are only playing defense it's time to make a change! There IS a different option! Working from an offensive standpoint makes you so much more powerful. Having a plan. Seeing things from a different direction. Being in front of the hard stuff, molding it into something doable rather than being behind it cleaning up the emotional mess it leaves. Feeling like you can breathe - like you are a good parent- like you have a life! Yes, It is possible, even in the midst of it all. You know I have been there. I get it oh so well. Let's do this together - I know I can help. And I know the best way to help. The mom I talked to a few weeks ago joined my Inner Circle so we could get together an offensive plan full of tools and techniques that work, provide her with some much needed relief and a whole group of people that "get it" to cheer her on. She now talks about feeling more confident as MOM to her struggling child than ever before. Do you want that for you and for your whole family? The reality is that our children are not going to totally heal in 3 weeks...that's not why she feels so much better. She feels better because she has a plan, she has people that "get it" behind her, she knows she is not alone because she can ask for support any day of the week and someone will be there. Inner Circle was designed to help me support other families in the absolute best way I could - being available consistently and often, passing on a new effective way of parenting so you don't have to struggle like we did, and making sure that no one feels alone! If you are exhausted from playing defense, it is time to make a CHANGE. Join Inner Circle and feel the difference! http://www.tohavehope.com/stacy-mannings-inner-circle.html  I am just SO moved by the huge number of moms that I talk to who share with me that they do not take care of themselves. You know the drill (I know the drill)...no sleep, unhealthy eating, not seeing the doctor as they should, no support group, not moving their bodies like they should, not reading, not seeing friends, and so on and so on.
Seriously, as moms we know all of the important and positive effects those kinds of choices can make on a person's life - I mean duh, that is why we make sure our children, husband, family and friends all are having those experiences. For example, many of us bend over backward to provide healthy meals in the midst of a chaotic life, we take our children to the doctor regularly and we make sure they got lots of exercise. Among other things, we always go the extra mile to make sure our children have social opportunities, help at school to make sure they have an opportunity to learn and knock on every door we can find, looking for assistance, when they struggle. The list of what mothers have done to take care of their children and the other important people in their lives is absolutely amazing. Moms are amazing! Here's my question. WHY DON'T THEY TREAT themselves the same way? Why Not Take Care of Yourself? I know that in most cases it is not for the fact that they don't know better... Because the reality is that, I have never met a mom who was happy or proud of the fact that she doesn't take care of herself and, as a matter of fact, most moms are mad at themselves that they don't do it. I know that in most cases it is not that there is someone literally stopping them from taking care of themselves... The truth is most moms say that their husband or family or friends have been supportive of them taking time to take care of themselves and have offered to do child care, etc... I know that it's not because everyone can't afford to take care of themselves... I mean really, who can find a deal better than a mom? Cutting a few coffees a week to save up for a class or find small, inexpensive or even free options. As to my question of WHY, I think it does come down to 2 things...Energy and Love. My dear Momma friends, you must start saving a little bit of your ENERGY to show LOVE to YOU too! I do know that this is a hard shift for so many of us. I am very familiar with living under a survival mentality. Life does get so chaotic and challenging, I agree, but I want to remind you that you are smart and strong, you are beautiful and gifted, your heart is life-giving and healing and to continue to be all of these things YOU have to be cared for too. I hear you..."How do I even start?" My answer to you is three part: 1. Start today 2. Give yourself permission to take 5 minutes for yourself. Then say to yourself, it is okay for me to take 5 minutes to _______! (paint your nails, clean a drawer, read a magazine...something you like, just for you) 3. Communicate BRAVELY with those around you about what you are doing and how they can help take care of you too. One thing I know for sure...life is more fully lived with intention. You intentionally do your job, parent your children, even drive down the road; now it is now time to INTENTIONALLY TAKE CARE OF YOU! As moms, we are on this journey together. Here's just another spot in which we will all be better if we hold each other up, inspire each other with our stories success (post on my Facebook page how you are taking care of you) and cheer one another through the rough spots (no matter how long they are). We can do this and we will do it together!  How are you? Seriously, be honest. How are you?
So many parents raising children who are struggling (with anxiety, sensory issues, loss and grief, lack of attachment, multiple diagnoses, mistrust, complex medical issues, aggressive behavior, bio, adoptive, foster, whatever...) aren't okay, but don't know what to do about it. Like me years ago, you are just hanging on by your fingernails. You are surviving. Feeling trapped or backed into a corner in your life. When you feel trapped and are just surviving, everything becomes BIG. HARD. LONELY. It feels like your ability to be positive and therapeutic with your child is almost impossible! Here's the thing...I know it is hard to find your way out of that vicious cycle, but I want to challenge you to TAKE A CHANCE!! Your making a shift will shift everything, for everyone in your life. Your life can CHANGE. I know that you are strong enough to make this happen; look at what you have survived so far. It's time to make the next step. Joining my Intentional Parent Coaching Group will be the relief and revitalization you need. It feels so good to be around parents that get it. Other parents who have struggled, messed up, felt trapped and yet decide to keep going - Get It! Unless you have felt support from people who have lived the same journey as you, there's no way to describe how powerful their support becomes. In the Coaching Group, you STOP banging your head against a brick wall by using tools and techniques that aren't working. I'll give you specific strategies that work, proven by me with my own family and with the many families I work with. And here's the GAME CHANGER...we'll put them all in place with a specific plan for you to use with your child immediately! YES, this is hard! Probably the hardest thing many of us will ever do, but you don't have to do it alone nor should you do it without the right tools. Enough living every day in survival, feeling so trapped and just plain feeling lonely. YOU, YOUR CHILD and YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY can have a different life! Let's do this! The Intentional Parent Coaching Group will help you relax, give you weekly access to me and other families who have been there, and create the life you really want. Get started today. This is your next step! http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html See you in group!  Another school year is wrapping up...so many pluses and minuses, right?
So many families look forward to the summer break; however, it isn't always what they thought it might be like. It doesn't always bring relief or an end to hard behavior - sometimes it just creates new stressors and continued hard behaviors (just different ones). The transition is a big one and children who struggle just don't adjust well. The brain of child who struggles with any kind of emotional health hurdle has a hard time with things like increased intimacy, change in routine, expectations, trust, and reading non-verbal cues among other things. The problem is that it doesn't always look or feel like a struggle; it often looks and feels like manipulation, defiance and downright not caring. Don't be deceived...your reaction has the power to calm things or to wind them up. Your reaction can create the kind of summer you would like to have. Be intentional. Know that this is not defiance this is deficit and meet your child right where he is at. Take it slow. Try to create some routine. Be neutral. Paint a picture of what an event will be like. Know your child's tolerance and make decisions based on helping him succeed. You can do this - especially if you remember that your child struggles with transitions, even if it doesn't look like it sometimes. Be Intentional! |
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