I don't know about you, but when I hear the word vulnerable I tend to take an emotional step back for a moment and then I literally will myself to keep going.
I've never really liked that word. And as a Mom letting yourself be vulnerable can make you feel weak & like you're not enough. It means opening yourself up to being hurt by ugly behaviors and hurtful words and feeling judged by others. And it often makes you feel unprepared when you should have all of the answers.
Just making the choice to "show up" every day can be painful and feel unsafe and some days is absolutely counter-intuitive. Sometimes it rocks you at your very core. But I have learned that my choice to "show up", over and over again, has been a real source of healing for my children. And I know that being there & staying there in spite of the pain and fear helps you embrace the fact that you can't control everything, and that's okay. Preferable even.
We're taught that parents should be "perfect" and "in control." So...choose pain and vulnerability or control? Seems like a no-brainer right?
I mean if we really want to feel strong, we'd fight for respect and compliance, stand up for ourselves. We wouldn't allow ourselves to continue to try unless we knew for sure our kiddos would change. We'd learn from our mistakes and not put ourselves in danger of being "emotionally" hurt again.
What does being vulnerable as a parent prove except that I'm an easy target?
But that's not what happens. Contrary to our minds first impulse, vulnerability is the place from which real change happens, like showing up every day in the fight for healing, meeting your child right where he or she is at, choosing to do it differently, carrying out your true purpose or anything else you consider important. It requires great risk because we don’t really know what will happen next. It takes the most courage possible because we’re willing to place hope in something that’s not a guarantee.
The vulnerability of Showing Up, Starting Over, Having Hope, Meeting Your Kids Right Where They Are At - No Matter What & For As Long As It Takes = True Courage
No matter how many times you have questioned whether you are enough, you are absolutely enough. It makes you that much more courageous when you decide to show up again - having the courage to take that leap when you could get hurt, especially when you've been hurt before.
There is one thing I know for sure...YOU are your child's best chance at healing.
I'm going to leave you with this incredible quote from Brene' Brown, “When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make. Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.”
P.S. I want to personally invite you to come and be a part of my Intentional Parent Coaching Group for Adoptive & Foster Parents.