You know that I totally get where you are coming from. I've been there and it can get tough. Really tough.
Here's what I want to say to you totally out of love and understanding...be sure you aren't so angry or so sad or so tired that you are sabotaging your own success at meeting your child right where he/she is at.
Get Out Of Your Own Way, my friend.
So many parents feel stuck. They don't know what to do to stop the hard behaviors. They question whether they are the right parent for this child. The day in and day out roller coaster of emotions has got them totally exhausted.
I remember it well. It enveloped me.
I remember feeling like I was caught in one of those cartoons where the black cloud follows the character around - I hung on to all the negative stuff so tightly. There wasn't much else in my life.
Rather than fill myself up, I chose to stay empty.
I didn't sleep. I didn't take a break. I didn't do things with friends. All I thought about, all I talked about was how hard everything was.
Now that's crazy! I had a great life. And that's where I realized I was totally sabotaging my own success by not taking care of me so that I could get unstuck.
We get in our own way sometimes.
In order to avoid sabotaging your own journey, be sure to take care of yourself so you can have the clarity it takes to see where your child needs you to meet them.
Invest time and energy into taking time for you, nurturing your closest relationships and surrounding yourself with people that get it. You'll be energized and feel powerful to not be doing it alone.
All of the sudden, you'll have gotten out of your own way.
And then meeting your child right where he's at will become second nature. The hard behaviors and ugly words will dissipate. The connection will strengthen. You will figure out how to be the parent your child needs and can receive.
You will feel the shift. Your whole family will.
Don't let yourself stay stuck. Take care of you, too. It doesn't have to be a month's vacation. Just intentional choices along the way - choices that help you keep from getting stuck in the muck!
P.S. I want to personally invite you to be a part of my Coaching Group - A choice to help you take care of you and to keep you from getting stuck. http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html
An Important Message for Parents
The other night I was in my living room…all by myself. The house was silent. Everyone was in bed. With 4 teens, a hubby, and a toddler, that’s a big feat these days. I have to tell you it was BLISSFUL.
I used to be the kind of gal who burned the candle at both ends. With 6 kiddos who needed me, it was the only way I could get things done. But the other night, I sat. Quietly. Choosing to do nothing. Just soaking in the silence. It wasn’t for very long, but boy did it feel good!
We need to find ways to rejuvenate. Reset ourselves. This journey is a tough one at times. Exhausting. And so we need to refuel. It’s not only important, it’s VITAL.
I know, I know…"But there’s no time. It’s not possible. I’m too exhausted.” I get it. I told myself that time after time myself. But here’s the deal, it doesn’t have to be big. Even little things can refuel. Find something to do to take care of YOU.
Need some ideas? Here are 10 easy, little things you can do.
Make a plan or be spontaneous. Whatever works. Just do it!
And here’s the deal…when you refuel, not only will you feel better, but you will parent better too. That’s a Win-Win, don’t you think?
With love & dedication to your family,
P.S. A great way to refuel that will make a HUGE difference for you and your entire family - join us in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group. A place where you'll be empowered, equipped, and surrounded by the best kind of support there is. Join us today!
This Is Us Season Finale Party
I am so excited...I am having a party and I hope you will join me.
I would love to have you join me to watch the Season Finale of a really great show - This Is Us.
I don't watch much t.v., but this is good stuff. Makes you laugh. Makes you cry. Just an overall feel good program.
So...here's the thing. If you are like me and you are behind by a couple episodes or if you've been meaning to catch this show, you are in luck. You have all weekend to get caught up so you can join us for the Finale Party!
Check out NBC.com and binge watch as much as you need. Then jump on Facebook with me at 7:45pm Central Time on Tuesday night, March 14th, as we do our pre-show preparation. Then, watch my Facebook Live again during each commercial break and afterwards for a check in on how everyone is doing.
Here's the link to page. Like it and set notifications for my videos and you'll be all set!
Proclaim an early bedtime. Treat yourself with a cup of cocoa. Grab a box of tissues, a blanket, and your fuzzy socks and join me!
Can't wait to chat with you about This Is Us! It's going to be great fun.
Last night I made some time to go to a movie and out for dinner. Time to connect with a friend. Time to take care of me. I have to be honest, I don’t do that very often. In fact, I don’t make time for me as often as I should (or as often as I need). But what I know is that on this parenting journey, we NEED to be taking time for to fill ourselves up.
I know, I know. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time. Your kiddos need you. Your to-do list is a mile long. By the end of the day, you are EX. HAUST. ED! I get it. Trust me, I get it. But here’s the deal…this journey is a long one. And it takes a whole lot of commitment and stamina to keep keepin’ on. The reality, if you are depleted, you do not have the full reserve it takes to pour into your family. To give your kiddos all that they need.
So I challenge you (and I’m challenging myself) to make the commitment to take care of YOU! Little ways or big ways. Something that FILLS you up. Something that gives you a little oomph, a little “I’m so glad I did that”. Find at least one thing to do just for you this week. And next week. And the week after that. You get the idea.
Call a friend. Go out for dinner. Get your nails done. Grab a comfy blanket and watch a favorite show or a new movie. Stop at the library and find one of those “can’t put it down” books and make some time to read. Volunteer for a charity that means something to you. Bring a meal to a neighbor. Do something crafty. Journal. The list is ENDLESS. Jot down your favorites, choose one or two or several, get them on your calendar and MAKE THEM HAPPEN!
You deserve it, but even more importantly, you NEED it! And your kiddos will even benefit – you will be refueled and recharged.
Ready, set, GO!
Yesterday I snuck away for an hour or so to a coffee shop. Sipping on a warm drink and working on some upcoming stuff for my Intentional Parent Coaching Group with Christmas music being played was good for my mindset.
As I sat there typing, I could hear the gal at the counter greet each customer and take their orders. She was outstanding at her job. Personal. Genuine. Enthusiastic. Warm. Whoever hired her made a GREAT choice!
I often talk about Finding the Good in each day. This was some good in my day for sure, but it didn’t seem like something to keep to myself. I popped my head over the coffee machine and told her what a fantastic job she was doing. Just took a second, but wanted her to know she was making a difference.
Here’s the thing…making a difference doesn’t have to be something BIG. Little things can make just as a big of a difference. She was making a difference with small gestures, but I am certain she made a difference in many people’s day today.
When you go about your day, know that you have the power to make a difference – in the big things AND in the small things. Keep doing those things. Keep striving to do even more.
And when you come upon someone else doing things that make a difference, let them know. It just may be what keeps the momentum going.
We're In This Together,
P.S. My heart just knew you needed a little bit more time - you have TODAY! I know sometimes in our line of work it is hard to make the seemingly big decisions so I have added today so you can get on board. Over 580.00 dollars worth of training + 3 times a month working with me and others who get it + tools and techniques that really work all for $47.00 - this is an incredible opportunity that I know will ABSOLUTELY get your family to happy and healthy! Click here today only - http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group1.html
Calgon, Take Me Away!
Calgon, take me away! Literally. Take me away.
Ever have those days? Oh, man. I sure did.
I'd go into the pantry and hide, hoping no one would find me. Wishing I could stay there all day, til bedtime.
I'd imagine leaving a note on the kitchen table (Good luck, honey) and running way. Far away. Pretty sure my husband feared that many days when he left for work.
I'd say...What the heck was I thinking? It's too hard. I can't do this anymore. We are miserable. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to go back to the way it used to be. I wish we had never done this.
I'd say...What the heck were those officials thinking when they placed these children with me? I'm not the right person for the job. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm making their lives worse.
Ever feel like that?
That's when you need someone.
Someone to...cry to, scream at, sit in silence with, lean on.
Someone who will...pick you up, hold your hand, guide you, help you, hold you and cheer you on.
You need someone. This job is too big to do it alone. Surround yourself with support!
Remember...you are NOT alone,
P.S. Need someone? I know how that feels. I really want to be there for you in the best way I can. Join me in the Intentional Parent Coaching Group where I can listen and support you through this hard stuff. It is so important to make sure you don't do this alone.
When Moms Get Sick
Just a little vent...putting this out there on behalf of all Mom's with kids who struggle! Ever wanted to yell it from the roof tops??
Wow, this one has got me DOWN. I mean down for the count. I have been battling an infection for about 2 months now and even on stronger antibiotics I am still not kicking it. Hmmm could it be because I never quit moving?? Get plenty of rest - ha! There is no such thing as a sick Mom who crawls into bed till she's better - especially when they have children who struggle with emotional regulation, grief and loss.
Why? Cause I am their regulation and when I take a day off, their day is affected. By the second day off, things are starting to spin and by the third the jury is out on their emotional state. My being sick is a very real trigger for my kids. Being triggered and disregulated is so hard on my kids...I don't want them to struggle any more than necessary.
So, hey world...you are just going to have to wait. I've got to take care of me and my babies. The paper work, the deadlines, the meetings and commitments - you all have to wait. I have to kick this once and for all and I have to take care of my kids the best way I know how while I do it. I just want you to know that it's not that I don't care. You really have no idea what I juggle on a day to day basis when I feel well, much less would you get how much this adds to the anxiety of my house - and that's okay, but know that I need some time! Thanks!
Take care of yourself, my friends...it will all wait for you. It will all be there when you feel up to par! For right now, get your best quilt and a cup of tea, put a movie (or 2 or 3) on for the kids, prop yourself up on your pillows of the couch right in the middle of the crowd and rest. Take care of you, the Mom of kids who struggle, the best you can! I am right with you this week!
Being the Mom is a full time job, no matter what the circumstances. And being the Mom of a special needs child (or 2 or 3 or more) is even beyond that...I know, I am both! I have been doing both, and more, for 16 years now and I am glad to say I have learned much!
One of the most important things I have learned is that taking care of me is as important as taking care of everyone else...actually it may be more important. I learned that if I didn't take care of me, I really didn't have the capacity to take care of anyone very well. In order to be an Intentional Parent, you really need clarity and energy.
I learned that to get that clarity and energy, to be really successful at being a GREAT Mom to everyone in my home, I needed to:
EMBRACE MY LIFE and NOT JUST SURVIVE IT!
Here are some thoughts to consider as you try to Embrace Your Life-
1. Secure attachment and healing can only happen at the speed at which it can happen...you can't make it go any faster!
2. Finding good in each day is KEY!
3. Choose to be fully engaged in today and stop looking way ahead.
4. When you finally choose to do something just for yourself...name it that! Say it over and over. This is for me!
5. That something you do for yourself doesn't have to be huge to matter, but mark it for how important it is!
6. Communicate bravely to those around you.
7. You won't feel more in control if you try to micro-manage a person or situation.
8. Create a Mantra to live by and in the most difficult moments cling to it!
9. Seek balance. Give yourself permission to be fully in the now and get to the later, later! It will be there waiting for you.
10. Take a long deep breath before you speak. Then decide what, if anything, needs to be said.
Just surviving our life leaves us feeling helpless and hopeless. It causes wrinkles, jumpiness, decreased energy, gray hair and more.
Choosing to Embrace our life - one moment at a time - helps to empower us, to help us feel strong and in control of our destiny. It causes smiles, the ability to read the situation and be intentional about our choices, confidence, tons of energy, peacefulness within our selves and SO MUCH MORE!
I am calling all you Moms and Dads out there...If I can do this so can you! Fight for it you deserve the best!
I want you to come on over to my Facebook page and tell me what you think. Add to my list...how do you take care of you? How do you Embrace YOUR life? I want to know jump on over to Facebook and give me what you've got!
Take care and remember...you are NOT alone!
Back Burner Syndrome
Being a parent is an incredible opportunity - no matter how you get there - but there is so much more to each one of us, the stuff that makes us fully whole...the stuff that adds to the definition of ME. Unfortunately, when we parent children who are really struggling, it is easy to develop Back Burner Syndrome.
Many parents of hurt kids come to me to talk about not really knowing themselves anymore, feeling lost and basically unhappy. In focusing so intently on the healing of their children, they have pushed everything else to the back burner. They are exhausted and losing hope.
It is time to make a change! I know it seems like there is not enough time or that you don't have enough energy...but I am here to tell you that that is NOT true. Feeling productive, being able to measure the positive impact you can make on the world and using your mind to take care of you is EMPOWERING. You will find more energy and inspiration to put into every one of your relationships.
You will feel strong, you will be clear about your worth as a person and a parent and your world will follow suit. Your children will still struggle because this journey of healing is long, but you will be stronger, healthier and have more of you to give because you cleared off the back burner!
Give your family and yourself the whole person you were meant to be...take a class, change your hair color, get a tattoo, repaint your living room, take up a sport, hold babies at the crisis nursery...whatever it is, BE YOUR WHOLE SELF!