What about this...NO MATTER WHAT & for As LONG AS It TAKES commitment that I talk about?
I get mixed feedback about this philosophy. And I get it, it's a mouth full. Lots of people say "of course that's my commitment", but many others say "but, it is so hard or I am so tired or I don't know if I can do that" as their response. The reality is that I have said all of them too.
There are so many families in our midst who are facing "stuff" that is just unimaginable. Parents trying to stay in it with their children through thick and thin. Children who can't see the forest for the trees - can't accept the LOVE they're being offered. Love in the form of overlooking being called stupid or being spit at. Love in the form of hugging and kissing their child even when it feels fakey. Love in the form of 2nd chances (and many times 3rd, 4th, 5th and many more). Love in the form of another bail-out, and I don't just mean money. Love in the form of parents pressing pause in their own lives to help their "adult" child get past their present struggle - over and over again.
It is the CAN'T that is the reason I call for NO MATTER WHAT & for As LONG AS it TAKES. I know, I know...many, many, many times it doesn't look like can't or feel like can't. As Intentional Parents, we have to KNOW it is! It is a CAN'T born from trauma. Not trauma we caused, but trauma we now have to clean up after.
Parents, when you are waivering, when you feel like you are just too tired and don't know if you can go on, I want you to remember that your child is feeling the same way and doesn't have the tools to deal with it. Trauma has left them unarmed and ill-prepared...you are their hope in the darkness. The fact that you stand by them no matter what and for as long as it takes can make a difference. Your LOVE is life giving, don't forget that!
So, today I want to lend you my hand so that I might help you get back up...one more time.
I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle.
I want you to know that it is okay to feel sad and mad sometimes.
This is hard. You are an amazing parent. Loving someone who is afraid to be loved or can't accept the love you have to give is a physical and emotional workout like none other.
Hold tight friends...you CAN do this!