Hope Connections - Support for Adoptive Families and Support for Foster Families
  • Parents
    • Getting Your Family to Happy & Healthy >
      • Free Training Get Started
      • Getting Your Family to HAPPY & HEALTHY
    • CONNECT: Support for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Blog for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Book for Adoptive Parents
    • Bundles - SPECIAL >
      • Bundle: Success at School
  • Teachers
    • IMPACT - Tools for Trauma Informed Teachers
    • Free Teacher Training
    • Blog for Trauma Informed Teachers
  • Parents
    • Getting Your Family to Happy & Healthy >
      • Free Training Get Started
      • Getting Your Family to HAPPY & HEALTHY
    • CONNECT: Support for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Blog for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Book for Adoptive Parents
    • Bundles - SPECIAL >
      • Bundle: Success at School
  • Teachers
    • IMPACT - Tools for Trauma Informed Teachers
    • Free Teacher Training
    • Blog for Trauma Informed Teachers

Adoption Day

11/10/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
I Was Thinking…
This week is a big week at our house. This week includes Adoption Day! Thursday would have been our court date 13 years ago and Saturday the day we arrived home. Big stuff! 

There are so many schools of thought on what to do in regards to what to call this day. Many, mostly adult adoptees, have shared that the name "Gotcha Day" is NOT something they are comfortable with. As I have read about it and discussed it with some, they shared with me that it makes them feel like a thing, so to speak. They also feel it has a scary connotation to it. Like you are sneaking up on someone and you "got" or you "grab" them. I can really see their side of this situation. When you are a child with a history of abandonment, neglect, abuse, trauma, fear and confusion, I can see that your tendencies toward misunderstanding the positive intentions of this name would be great!. The reality is that my own daughter cried all the way home...from Russia! Many years later she told us that the orphanage workers had told her to be good because we were witches and if she was naughty we would eat her. The insight of these adult adoptees rang true for our situation so I changed my use of the lingo. I wanted to choose the more neutral words that couldn't be misconstrued in any way. Now we refer to our court day as ADOPTION DAY. 

As for what to do, whether to celebrate or not, is another debate. There are so many variables to consider. Early on we wanted to celebrate because we were happy that our daughters had joined our family. We also wanted them to feel special. The first year we had a party and invited family and friends. To be honest, it did NOT pan out to REALLY be in the best interest of the girls. Sure they got gifts and were happy about that, but the anxiety they endured was horrible. We had fall out behavior from that party for days and days. The next two or three years we celebrated, but with just our family. The six kids, my husband, and myself. 



The fifth year home was a reality check! As I finished painting the picture of our evening of celebrating our 5th Adoption Day, which entailed dinner at a local Chinese restaurant we frequented, then home for a Disney movie and bed, my oldest daughter looked me square in the eye and asked, "and then we have to go back to Russia?" Needless to say, I WAS FLOORED! Had she wondered this every year? I realized she was walking around waiting for "the other shoe to drop" and now we wanted her to celebrate it. Not a wonder we had fall out!

As our sixth Adoption Day grew near, I was contemplating about what to do. Celebrate? Not Celebrate? Then one day we were running errands and I had the two younger girls in the car with me. They were 9 and 10 by now. I remember it well. We were sitting at a gas station and I had just climbed back in after starting the gas filling. They had been chatting and both turned forward with their attention towards me. The oldest of the two was the first to breach the subject. She just put it out there. She asked if we HAD to celebrate Adoption Day. Needless to say, I was a little thrown off...I hadn't even known that they had realized it was coming up. When I didn't answer right away, she jumped back in and went on to say that they really appreciated us celebrating, but what they really wanted was to be like everyone else. They said they just want to be Mannings. They told me that celebrating made them feel different. What was I going to say? I made sure they were sure, of course. It was actually a beautiful moment! I was so glad that they could tell me how they felt, that I could so easily help them feel "normal" and that they wanted to be a Manning. My questioning was over; I knew exactly what to do.

So we no longer mark their Adoption day with a special event. It IS and ALWAYS will be a special day for our family, but we honor their request. However, I will always celebrate the day they joined our family in my heart! I give them extra hugs and just love them up a bit more than normal on their day. I am pretty sure they know why and take it all in!

I guess it all comes back to meeting your child where THEY are, meeting THEIR needs. Not getting caught in doing what WE think is the "right" way, or what others are doing. Truly loving them the way THEY need to be loved! 

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Sign Up to Receive Our Blog Posts

    * indicates required
    Email Format
    Picture
    ​
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    Adoption
    Holidays
    Intentional Parent
    Parenting
    School
    Self Care
    Support

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2012
    February 2012

CONTACT HOPE CONNECTIONS
Email - clientcare@tohavehope.com


​Privacy Policy
Cookies Policy

​
HOURS
Monday 1pm-4pm CST
Tuesday-Thursday 9am-3pm CST
Friday 9am-12pm CST
Closed on weekends & holidays