I Was Thinking…
Well, 18 years ago this week I became a Mom for the first time. WOW! WHAT A RIDE it has been! Back then, I was pretty clear on what a good Mom did, how they connected with their child, what schools they sent them to, how they handled friends and teachers and on and on. I knew what I wanted to do the same way my parents did and I knew what I wanted to do better than my parents. I had such a vision, so many expectations. I had the world by the tail! I was SO excited to be a Mom!
Well, it all began with an emergency C-Section…not in my plan! Next, it was surgery for baby at 2 weeks old…not in my plan! I had to tweak my version of Mom right off the bat! Okay, time to re-evaluate. I let go a bit and life quieted down a bit and things evened out some. What a joy this little boy was. His very existence was inspiring, created healing and gave hope for the future. He helped us see life through new eyes. Always a smile. Loving, kind and very connected to his Mom!
I felt good. My confidence grew. We went to early childhood classes together. We had playdates. We were like all of the other mother/child duos in our social group, but a subtle change began to happen as preschool became the focus of all of our friends. I wasn’t too sure that my son needed to go away from me at such an early age, much less did he have to go to the “it” preschool. There were moms that got up at 4 a.m. to stand in line for registration at a specific preschool in our area. I didn’t. However, eventually I buckled to the pressure of doing it differently and found a smaller preschool close to home. Now, he could go to preschool like everyone else!
I have to tell you the first day of preschool was horrible! He was so scared. He really struggled and continued to struggle for a couple of weeks. It dawned on me…just because everyone else is doing it this way does not make it the right choice for my child, my family. I thanked the teachers and pulled him out! One of the best MOM decisions I have ever made!
In the meantime, we added two more little boys to the mix and eventually three little girls too! Life kept giving me the opportunity to see how truly different each one of my children were. Although all six of them were between the ages of three and six, they were individuals - each one so different. It was a huge epiphany for me as a mom and at the same time I was able to give them each the best gift I could have given them. I have been able to see their individuality so that I could be the mom to each one of them that they needed me to be!
I started out with all of my own expectations about being a mom. Then, I got lost in what everybody else thought a good mom would be, but finally ended up right where I should be….being the Mom that is just right…times six!