I Was Thinking…
After doing this for twelve years, I wish I could give a gift to all of you who are trying to love, offer a good life to and create a family for a hurt child...
that gift would be to give you CLEAR VISION!
A clear vision of the child you are living with.
A clear vision of how they THINK & what they BELIEVE.
A clear vision of their real FEARS.
A clear vision of what they CAN and CAN'T do.
A clear vision of their HURDLES.
In the midst of hard behavior and hurtful words,
After pouring your heart out trying to be your child's parent only to be treated with disdain,
When it feels like you are getting nowhere or that maybe someone else could do "it" better,
CLEAR VISION is extremely hard to ACCOMPLISH!
So I would give you CLEAR VISION so you could see...
That those hard behaviors are not a choice, but the results of your child having to become a survivor!
That your child doesn't even know how to trust!
That he believes that the only way he is truly SAFE is if he is in control!.
That your child believes that he isn't worthy of love much less all of the goodness you have to offer him. He believes it will all end so he doesn't want to take a risk on that "good" or he ruins the "good" things himself so as not to have to feel the disappointment of the end of the goodness.
That your child's biggest fear is that he will lose you...he will be abandoned. No matter what he says or does this fear is what leads his choices.
That although your child can put on a good face because that is what he has learned to do in order to survive, he has much anxiety about life, is emotionally younger than his chronological age and has many deficits that come out looking like defiance.
CLEAR VISION allows us....
to be healing
to parent lovingly
to be kind
to meet our children where they are
to see the emotion behind the behavior
to hear what our child is really saying
to stay in it "NO MATTER WHAT"
and so much more!
So sometimes others can help us to have CLEAR VISION, but we really need to believe that things are NOT often what they seem and make a commitment to SEEK OUT the CLEAR VISION that will make a HEALING difference for our children and our families!