Our world is full of immediate gratification. We have fast food, fast coffee and immediate books on our devices. Heck, we can even start our car from inside a building. We can ask Siri and she can give us any answer; we don't even need to use the internet anymore. Oh and speaking of the internet, we can look up anything we want, buy anything we want, whenever we want - day or night.
We have been conditioned to think everything can be achieved instantly; so much so, that parents even think their hurt child should be bonded within weeks or months of joining their family. They think their child's hurtful behaviors and words should stop, they should just curl up in their beds and drift off to sleep peacefully, and that they should understand the rules of the house and the consequences of not following them within a short period of time - like a few months.
I think of what happened to hurting children like remodeling a home. We re-did the entire main level of our home recently. It involved tearing off wall paper, mudding and sanding, ripping up floors, pulling down cabinets, and lots more. I have to say the deconstruction was quick and really not that difficult (many hands make light work). However, the rebuilding process took a LONG time. It was detailed, involved, time-consuming, and very stressful.
For some children, the tearing down process didn’t take long; even infants are greatly affected in a short amount of time by neglect, abuse, and trauma. Children are even affected in-utero by what the birth mother does or doesn’t do. Just as a house demolition doesn’t take long, neither did it take long for our children to be broken down. And, just as the building up process takes a long time when creating a new structure, so does the building up of our children. It takes work, intentional parenting, compassion, understanding and a "No Matter What and for as long as it takes" attitude.
None of us want to face a battle and know it won’t end tomorrow. I find it helpful to consider your whole child - their history, culture, deficits, and losses. Their trauma affected them beyond what we can see. So, we are called to see the good in each day, seek guidance and support so we can continue to move forward and hang onto HOPE so that we can stay in it for as long as it takes.
You can do this!
Remember, you are not alone.