I Was Thinking…
To be an Intentional Parent means you have a plan~
Parenting our adopted kids can be so counter-intuitive that we question ourselves and our techniques. Things that worked with our biological kids or kids we used to care for just don’t seem to work with our adopted kids—sometimes nothing seems to work at all. As parents, it can leave us feeling so lost and out-of-control. We can’t just settle. It’s too risky. We have to believe that we can make a difference and having a plan gives us a way to do that.
The reality is we can muddle through, but at what cost??
-Perhaps our marriage is constantly being tested by triangulation and miscommunication.
-We live filled with constant feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness that eat at us and are reflected in our every breath.
-Our adopted/foster children remain stuck, just spinning in their anxiety creating more havoc and less healing.
-Constant concern for our bio children and the consequences that our choice to adopt will have on them.
-Our own stress and anxiety and the effect it has on us in our daily lives (jobs, relationships, family, personal health).
A broken attachment takes years and years to heal—the longer we wait to truly be effective the longer it will take to heal.
A plan allows us to know we are able to have some impact on the direction in which our lives are going.
When we are not sure how to proceed or it feels like there isn’t much we can do to help the situation or there is no hope…a plan can help us measure the positive impact we can have on our children’s progress. The healing process of a child who has lived through trauma and abandonment is dependent on the creation of an environment where attachment can happen—one that is consistent, safe and nurturing.
Although we use these words commonly in regards to the raising of children, the hurdle for us is to know how they apply to a child who has been abandoned, neglected and abused. In many cases, our children don’t know how to live in an environment defined as safe, nurturing and consistent so they create situations that sabotage its success. It is essential we continue to find ways to create that environment - NO MATTER WHAT! Without a plan that includes education, day-to-day techniques, reframing and support, families usually find themselves living in a chaotic situation feeling stuck and miserable.
One of my motivations in creating Hope Connections was the ability to support more families in the creation and facilitation of a plan so they could help their child heal. I really believe of all the treatments and drugs available out there WE are our child’s best chance at healing!