My most commonly asked question...How long will we have to do IT this way?
My answer for you...this way has to become THE way. It has to become your new normal! Our children are Adopted, Fostered, Step, Kinship - there's no changing that. It is a part of who they are. For many, it is just a small little piece of their puzzle, but for many it constitutes much of the puzzle. The grief and loss and impacts of trauma daily color self esteem, choices made, and beliefs held.
My advice ...know that the loss of a primary attachment figure is devastating. The reason for that loss, deciphered by a child, are commonly misunderstood by that child as their fault. Those kinds of beliefs run deep and are very difficult to undo. And in reality, that relationship (good or not good) ultimately sets the tone for all future relationships.
STOP looking for it to be over and remember that your goal is for as long as it takes and no matter what. Our children will always have lost that relationship.