How to Reset After a Temper Tantrum

Sometimes things take a turn when our adopted and foster kiddos are having another temper tantrum. A turn where suddenly we are no longer staying calm. A turn where we become the ones yelling. A turn where we become the one having the temper tantrum. That's when you need a plan to RESET. 

​When You’re The One Having the Temper Tantrum

There I was standing in my pantry, among all the cans of green beans and corn, feeling terrible. It had been one of those days. You know, the kind where you’re counting down the hours til bedtime, and it just can’t come soon enough.

My daughter had been having another temper tantrum, one of what seemed like a bajillion that day, and rather than staying calm, cool, and collected, I lost it. Soon, I was the one having the temper tantrum.

After I calmed down and my hubby made it home from work, I went into the pantry and cried. Sobbed, actually.

I replayed the situation over and over in my head. Knowing I should have handled it differently. Wishing I had handled it differently. Feeling like a bad mom. Sure I had made things even worse for my daughter.

Can you relate?

It's Not Your Fault

I’m pretty sure there’s not a single Adoptive or Foster Parent on the planet who hasn’t felt the same way. What I need to tell you is it’s not your fault.

Parenting an Adopted or Foster Child who is hurting, who has come with loss and grief, can be hard. Really hard. And as parents, we can get pushed to our limits. We are stretched. Busy. Tired and worn out. Throw another temper tantrum into the mix and it’s easy to see how it can be hard to stay calm.

We ALL lose it at times. We all have those times we wish we would have handled it differently. We all have those days that we don’t feel like a great parent. Those days we even feel like a pretty crappy parent. Days we feel inept. Not sure how to handle behaviors. Questioning if we are even the right parent for this child.

If you have felt that way, I assure you that you are NOT alone!

Back to the pantry. I had a good cry, but did some good self-talk. Reminded myself that my daughter had been through so much in her short life. And with that loss and hurt came a lot of BIG emotions. It also came with the impacts of trauma. It was BIG stuff for sure!

I gave myself grace. I gave my daughter grace. Surely, we both needed it.

I pulled myself together and came out of hiding, ready to start over. To start fresh. To be honest, I was still counting down the time until bedtime, but I was ready to be a whole lot calmer.

When you’re in your spot where you wish you would have handled it differently…

4 Ways to Reset After a Temper Tantrum

1. Remind yourself that this isn’t your fault. ​Your Adopted or Foster Child has had a deep loss. She lost her primary attachment, her biological mother. That loss is huge. And no Adopted or Foster Child comes through that unharmed. No matter how young they were.
2. Give yourself grace. A lot of it.
3. Give your child grace. A lot of it.
4. Start fresh. Every single day. And sometimes every hour if needed.

You ARE a good parent. A really good parent. And you are exactly the parent your child needs!

If your adopted or foster child is having temper tantrums, check out our blog post about temper tantrums and anger here.