One word parents of hurt children should take out of their vocabulary is…okay. The okay with the question mark after it…okay?
As a whole, we strive to help our children really understand and then integrate into their core that we CAN and WILL take care of them. We can and will take care of them when it gets dark, when they are hungry, when it storms, when there are new people around, in any given scenario…after all we are Mom and Dad, that is what we do!
After losing their primary caregiver, many children struggle to “believe” that they can really rely on another adult so deeply again. They struggle to trust that adults can and will take care of them, and often they struggle to believe that they are worth the effort.
In order to combat our children’s fears about their relationship with us, we need to be a strong, confident, foundation for them. A foundation they can count on to be able to protect them in any situation, to know the right answers, and to consistently meet their needs no matter what. A foundation that won’t waver. If we can convince them to rely on us in this way, they can begin to shed the beliefs they have formed about the world and start to trust again. Anxiety, misbehavior, and eating/sleeping issues begin to wane.
So here’s the number one secret way to begin to become the foundation your child needs…DO NOT END A SENTENCE WITH, OKAY? Using the word okay as a question at the end of a sentence just gives away the power you have to help your child feel safe and secure. He perceives it as if you are asking him because you don’t know if your “plan” will work. You just became a fractured foundation he will not put his trust in, you need him to make the final decision about the next move in life. His old belief has just been verified instead of nullified.
On paper this is an easy change to make. However, if you are a chronic “okayer”, it will take some intention on your part to ABOLISH the word from your vocabulary. This journey can make us stronger individuals if we let it and the reality is that you may be okaying in all of your relationships, which would make this a place you want to spend some time thinking about and working on. You are a strong powerful individual that might be questioning themselves and their value across the board. Working on ourselves is really key to moving our stuff out of the way so we can be the Intentional Parent our hurt child needs to be able to heal.
As a parent, we have so much power to help OR hurt. It is such a fine line. Every word we utter has impact, even a funny four-letter word like, okay?
Lots of times I think we ask the question "okay?" when we are questioning ourselves. When we are not confident in our ability to do “it” the right way our sentences end with "Okay?".
Don’t let those doubts sneak into your day…you CAN do this. Trust your gut. Believe in you! Take the question of okay out of your vocabulary and your children will believe in you too! Then life starts to calm and things get better!