Hope Connections - Support for Adoptive Families and Support for Foster Families
  • Parents
    • CONNECT: Support for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Getting Your Family to Happy & Healthy >
      • Free Training Get Started
      • Getting Your Family to HAPPY & HEALTHY
    • Blog for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Book for Adoptive Parents
    • Bundles - SPECIAL >
      • Bundle: Success at School
  • Teachers
    • IMPACT - Tools for Trauma Informed Teachers
    • Free Teacher Training
    • Blog for Trauma Informed Teachers
  • Parents
    • CONNECT: Support for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Getting Your Family to Happy & Healthy >
      • Free Training Get Started
      • Getting Your Family to HAPPY & HEALTHY
    • Blog for Adoptive Parents & Foster Parents
    • Book for Adoptive Parents
    • Bundles - SPECIAL >
      • Bundle: Success at School
  • Teachers
    • IMPACT - Tools for Trauma Informed Teachers
    • Free Teacher Training
    • Blog for Trauma Informed Teachers

I Have Never Felt So Alone

2/20/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture






I Was Thinking...
You know, as I look back and forward I have to say one of the most painful pieces of the journey has been and continues to be the way other people judge our life and the choices we make in parenting our children. For a long while, it was what made me feel the most hopeless and isolated. The very people I looked to for support now questioned my every move, treated me like there was something wrong with me and, most importantly, wouldn’t help me the way I needed to be helped - the way I asked them to help me. 

I have never felt so alone. I felt like I had to fight to prove my sanity all of the time. I was called controlling, impatient, angry, bossy and many other things. I endured rude and disrespectful questioning from random strangers, from family who I thought knew my heart until their questioning came and then of course “professionals” in every field. It was terrible! Needless to say, we lost friends along the way. We made difficult decisions in regards to being part of holidays and other family events. We didn’t go out in public much. We just survived. Alone.

As time passed, I began to educate them. I no longer just shut up and let them have their say. I talked about the impact of trauma, the scars that neglect and starvation have on a human being, and the symptoms of RAD that my daughter exhibited every day. The anger or tears that used to accompany my answers to their questions and comments were no longer there. A kind of acceptance began to take place and for the most part people were less likely to comment. Well, not in my presence anyway. I could breathe a little better. More time passed and for two of our daughters it is now glaringly clear to some of those people WHAT we were trying to accomplish and that we HAVE accomplished it. While our girls still have struggles related to their abandonment, our attachment is strong and secure—they have their “one and only.” For our oldest daughter, the work continues. We have come a long way and she has her “one and only” as well as she can have a “one and only.” People still question our parenting choices regarding her and, while it is amazing this questioning still continues, I won’t let it impact how I parent…I know this works! 

After twelve and a half years, I now know there are so many lessons to be learned.

The reality is…if you haven’t lived with a hurt child, you cannot get it. I can now confidently say that most of the questioning and commenting – especially by family – was really rooted in concern for us.  Some of it even about feeling unsure about their own parenting choices when they saw the lengths we were willing to go to help our children heal. Honestly, sometimes we couldn’t believe what we were living through—how could others, especially when they never saw the “ugly” we lived with?   

Another reality is that until we believed that we had to do this differently and stop questioning ourselves, until we committed to the fact that healing meant convincing our daughters we were in it for as long as it takes and NO MATTER WHAT, our daughters wouldn’t believe it either and healing couldn’t happen. We have to believe in our power to heal!

Finally, our story speaks to the great importance of surrounding yourself with those that are living it. It is in fact the very reason I am here writing this blog. If it is up to me, there will never be another family walking this path alone.  

You are not alone.



0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Sign Up to Receive Our Blog Posts

    * indicates required
    Email Format
    Picture
    ​
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    Adoption
    Holidays
    Intentional Parent
    Parenting
    School
    Self Care
    Support

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2012
    February 2012

CONTACT HOPE CONNECTIONS
Email - clientcare@tohavehope.com


​Privacy Policy
Cookies Policy

​
HOURS
Monday 1pm-4pm CST
Tuesday-Thursday 9am-3pm CST
Friday 9am-12pm CST
Closed on weekends & holidays