I Was Thinking…
There is so much to be said for having a PLAN and being INTENTIONAL--in both cases, it is super important and really what gets us through the majority of the hours in our day.
However, for so many of us those "in the HEAT of the moment" moments are when we lose it. It is hard to even remember the plan, much less follow it. And the last thing we want to do is be INTENTIONAL. In these moments, our words and behavior are all driven by our emotions and only our emotions! These are the moments that we regret later, we carry with us as shame and that really don't help stop the spin!
So, what do you do in that moment? Here's what I have found that works best!
Some steps to follow:
First-- STOP Talking! Zip YOUR lip!
You are not gaining control over the situation; you are most likely making it worse!
Second--DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!
Questions almost always fuel the spin!
Finally, and when all else fails--Move YOURSELF OUT OF THE SITUATION!
Make sure your child is safe!
As you are moving away, let them know where you are going!
Go in the bathroom and shut the door. Go in your pantry (where I spent a lot of time) and shut the door. Take the phone and call someone who will let you vent!
Talk to yourself if you need to...YOU can do this!
(go through your child's list of deficits, consider anniversaries, emotional age, triggers, etc...)
You must MOVE yourself through this...time is important; your child is alone and waiting!
The GOAL is to go back out and be NEUTRAL!
Just NEUTRAL - not happy, not mad, not all rainbows and unicorns...just NEUTRAL!
When it is all said and done, if you can be NEUTRAL, your child will be more apt to follow your lead!