In the HEAT of the Moment
If you're like me, you start out with a plan of how you're going to handle the next meltdown, the next tantrum, the next outburst.
There is so much to be said for having a PLAN and being INTENTIONAL. In both cases, it is super important and really what gets us through the majority of the hours in our day.
But then comes those moments, those "in the HEAT of the moment" moments.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Those moments when you lose it. Those moments when it's hard to even remember the plan, much less follow it. And the last thing you want to do is be INTENTIONAL.
In these moments, your words and behavior are all driven by your emotions and only your emotions! These are the moments that we regret later, we carry with us as shame, and that really don't help stop the spin!
So, what do you do in that moment?
Here's what I have found that works best
1. STOP Talking!
Zip YOUR lip. This one can be hard. Trust me, I speak from experience. It is NOT helping to get into a big discussion. You are not gaining control over the situation. In fact, it may very well be adding to the spin.
2. Don't Ask Questions
Questions almost always fuel the spin! You know the questions, right? What were you thinking? Why did you...? Stop asking questions. The reality is, you probably already know the answers.
3. Finally, and when all else fails...Move YOURSELF OUT OF THE SITUATION!
Make sure your child is safe! As you are moving away, let them know where you are going! Then, GO!
Go in the bathroom and shut the door. Go in your pantry (where I spent a lot of time) and shut the door. Take the phone and call someone who will let you vent!
Talk to yourself if you need to...YOU can do this!
(go through your child's list of deficits, consider anniversaries, emotional age, triggers, etc...)
You must MOVE yourself through this. Time is important; your child is alone and waiting!
The GOAL is to go back out and be NEUTRAL!
Just NEUTRAL - not happy, not mad, not all rainbows and unicorns...just NEUTRAL!
When it is all said and done, if you can be NEUTRAL, your child will be more apt to follow your lead!
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