You just can't listen to the negativity or the questioning. You can't let it lead you astray...you've got this!
After being in the adoption field one way or another - parent and professional - for 15 years, I am still in awe of how the stereotypes, misthinking and lack of real knowledge about adoption and fostering permeates our society. There is so much work to be done!
In the mean time, I want to remind you that you can't let yourself be swayed by the naysayers! Any voices in your life who are being negative or questioning, who seem to be judging your choices or comparing your child to "other children their age", should be ignored.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT let them cause you to question yourself! If you are not sure and would like to bounce things off of someone...find someone that walks your journey!
Questioning yourself is destructive to your relationship with your hurt child. Your child needs to believe you have "got it all covered" and will sense when you have doubt. That doubt and uneasiness will create unnamed fear and anxiety in her which will become a wedge in your relationship and a slowing in her healing.
There's a lot at stake....sometimes you just have to plug your ears and don't listen!
It's not about being rude or disrespectful, as the reality is that most people in our lives are "trying" to help. They can't understand all that we have to do to help our children heal...I mean, a lot of our stories are painful to hear and nobody wants to believe that children have been through so much and can be impacted in such life-altering ways. Trying to make sense of it is difficult. The other piece is that these are often people we love and need in our lives. So, while we can't allow ourselves to be swayed by their words we can give them GRACE because they are not able to truly understand.
We have to stick together and support one another. Unless you have walked this path, it is almost impossible to get it!
You CAN do this. Follow your gut. Remind yourself of your original motivations. See your child as his whole self...with impacts of trauma, diagnoses and history always at the forefront of your mind. Remember his emotional age in every moment. Surround yourself with the support of those that get it. Nurture your closest relationships. Fill yourself up often.
Don't be led astray by the questioning of others or of yourself. YOU'VE GOT THIS!