Potholes on the Adoptive & Foster Parenting Journey

Rough Road Ahead. I saw this sign on my way into town today and thought...well, isn't that the truth! 

Seriously, this was just like the path many of us travel. There was no warning, the sign just appeared. No detour marked. No map to show the driver another option. I was not prepared. And I've got to tell you, it was REALLY ROUGH!

Just like I learned when trying to parent my adopted children, I quickly realized I was going to have to do this differently than I normally would...I had to be very intentional about my choices. 

I mean I could just drive the speed I usually did and stay right in the center of my lane like I have been taught to, but that would have meant hitting every pothole, feeling every bump, jostling my body, tearing up the bottom of my car and making me just plain grumpy. Nope, not what I wanted.

So, I tweaked my expectations and intentionally chose to do it differently. 

First, I reminded myself that it was okay to get there when I could get there. I slowed down...my expectations needed to change and be based out of the reality of the situation. Just like when we look at parenting our children - we've got to meet them right where THEY are at, not where we (or society) thinks they should be.  

Secondly, I had to get really intentional and not be afraid to do it differently. I had to look at the road as if I'd never driven it before to avoid the holes. There were times I had to slow almost to a stop or swerve here and there, times I had to drive in the other lane (luckily it was a back country road), and at times I even had to use the shoulder a bit. NONE of this was in my plan when I left my house to run a few errands.    

I can honestly say that today's outing reminds me of our journey and those of the thousands of Moms' and Dads' stories I have heard over the last 16 years. SO many parents share that they were not anywhere near as prepared to adopt or foster their children as they thought they were. 

They just thought (as we did) that they'd do it the way they had before, the way their friends and family did it, the way they were raised,, but all of a sudden they saw the SIGN - Rough Road Ahead. That's when things got difficult. Hard Behaviors. Disconnect. Mistrust. Sadness. And so much more. They felt stuck!  

Here's the thing...A rough road doesn't mean you have to stop. It doesn't mean you can't make it through. It doesn't mean that you can't get to where you want to go. It means you have to do it differently to be successful. It takes a shift in your thinking and intentional choices to get to the other side  

This goes for parenting our kiddos as well. Yes, it can be rough. Yes, it takes a while. Yes, it is possible to make it through if we intentionally choose to meet them right where they are at. And commit to no matter what and for as long as it takes.  

So, have you hit the Rough Road Ahead sign?   

You don't have to do it alone. I really want you to know that I have navigated through the rough stuff and I am dedicated to helping you make it too!  

The map is in place. And the most effective path is laid out. I want to personally invite you to join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group. This is where I will show you exactly how to deal with YOUR rough road. What to say, what tools to use, how to help others support you. And SO much more!  

I'd be honored to lead you to the other side!  It's Time!  JOIN US!