This IS Hard!
I Was Thinking...
I just wish I could tell every adoptive or foster parent out there that THIS. IS. HARD! I meet so many moms and dads that are hurting. Blaming themselves. Feeling alone and hopeless. STRUGGLING just to keep moving forward!
Their daily struggle includes...tantrums, distance, mistrust, hurtful words, sabotage, push-back behaviors, school issues, feeling judged by others and so much more.
I know how this feels. I have lived it. Sometimes it seems that if we just look at our kids sideways they can be triggered.
I have learned how important it is to share our struggles.
When I started to be honest about the pain, the dread, and the hopelessness the daily struggle created is when I began to heal. I learned that the reality is that LOVE, or the love I knew of, wasn't enough for our adopted kids! The love our kids need is SO much more.
Over time, I learned that I AM capable of loving them the way THEY need to be loved, but that the reality is I wasn't really ever made aware of just how to do that.
Sharing the fact that you are struggling gives others the ability to say, "Hey, that happens in our family too."
All of a sudden you are not alone anymore.
All of a sudden two families are not alone anymore.
All of a sudden you have reason to stop blaming yourself and maybe consider that this is about abandonment and trauma and not about you "doing it wrong!"
Share your struggle without anger.
Share your struggle without blame.
Share your struggle with those that have walked your path.
Share your struggle gently.
Share it anonymously if necessary.
Most importantly, remember…the daily struggle is not because YOU are a horrible parent. The daily struggle is due to pain and loss and IT IS HARD for everyone involved.
3/22/2014 08:01:44 am
I struggleregularly with my 7 year old. this is the hardest journey. My 4 year old is so much calmer and more laid back, so therefore that makes my 7 year push harder, some days I feel like my daughters goal for the day is to take me down to the ground with hurt. she is so amazing and wonderful then somethiing triggers the meanness and she just attacks almost every second of the day. it wears me out like i have never been before. ( both of my girls are adopted, and brought home with us from the hospital)
Amanda and Dennis Dedrick
4/8/2014 10:09:16 am
We adopted 12 plus years ago...it had been a very difficult 12 years at times...but the joy of watching them blossom has been worth it. Once little success makes all the others disappear. To see a child graduate who was expelled when we adopted...or a child write and sing a song ...is priceless. If only I could now accept deep down their need to reconnect with the people who have hurt them so much...I know it was is best for them...but not being enough is hard. I learned a long time ago that this journey can't be about my needs.
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