My husband Pat and I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary this past Saturday...and it's always been, Until Death Do Us Part, unless this crazy journey of parenting our 6 children gets us first!
Yes, I can joke about it now. but seriously through the years, the high stress, emotionally charged journey of raising hurt children has definitely pushed the vow we made to each other. Triangulation is real, especially when you are dealing with children who are in survival! Along with that, studies are showing more and more that children who have lost a mom have a harder time making that connection again which results in Mom experiencing hard behaviors that Dad may not even see. It can be a very tough way to live and it takes it's toll on your closest relationships.
Many marriages suffer from the emotional toll and many suffer divorce. So sad. Don't let the hurt and pain your child has endured create hurt and pain for you. Stay very clear on what is yours and what is theirs. Fight to focus on the simple things; it makes the difference. Greet each other first, touch is an important way to stay connected. Surprise one another. Root for each other. Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader. Know that you see and experience things differently and that it is normal, not a sign that either one doesn't care. Express your emotions to one another, even if there isn't a fix in the moment, and listen without judgment.
It is so important to be as intentional about your intimate relationships as you are about parenting your child. Meet EVERYONE where they are at. Your relationship with your spouse, your family and your friends is important in fueling you and in helping you hang onto who you TRULY are, which ultimately makes you a better parent. Nurture those relationships. Know and acknowledge the good and the bad. Forgive. Communicate Bravely. Forgive again if necessary. Stay true to you and speak your truth. Start fresh every day. Stand together as a United Front - no matter what!
This is a new day so START NOW - having people to walk this journey with is key!