What If...The Worry of An Adoptive or Foster Parent

Have you ever wondered if you are the right person to parent your child or if your family is the right place for him?

I've been asked about this thousands and thousands of times and the first thing I want to be clear about is...It is normal to question this. Whether you've only thought it or have said it out loud, I want you to know that it is a common question for families of hurt children. You are not a horrible human being!

The second thing I want you to know is that if your question is based on your child being like everyone else in your family...It is normal for a hurt child to not fit for a very long time, maybe forever. It doesn't necessarily mean you are doing it wrong. It means your child has deficits beyond his control. It's not personal - even if it feels like it. 

The third thing I want you to know is that...your house will be much calmer when you meet her right where SHE is at. Trying to change your child is like hitting your head up against a brick wall over and over again. This is a brain wiring issues - she can't change. It's up to YOU to Parent Differently! Being an Intentional Parent means loving your child the way they can receive it.

The last thing I want you to know is that...doing this alone is a mistake. Staying in it no matter what and for as long as it takes is where the healing happens. And that STAYING POWER comes from feeling understood, at times being able to lean on others that get it, and from being able to ask questions and learn new strategies from people who get it and are on the other side.

Here's the thing...No, unfortunately not every child can be successful in a family situation. There is a small percentage of hurt children that just can't do it. Sadly, the impacts of trauma are just too great. It becomes unsafe for the child and/or the family to continue the journey together in the same home.  

However, the majority of the time life can be much more doable when you are meeting your child right where they are at, when you are being his external regulator and stepping in to be the bridge between what he can and cannot manage. All of which ultimately creates opportunities in which he can succeed, feel valuable and believe he is worthy of goodness. This changes brain wiring.

Being Intentional about parenting your whole child can change everything. One key way of being intentional is having a specific Action Plan for your child in place. No more wondering about saying or doing the wrong thing. No more responding out of fear or frustration. And then being surrounded by others who get it is your fuel to keep going.   

It all boils down to this...maybe stop wondering IF you can be your child's Parent and start wondering HOW you can Parent your child so that he can best receive all that he really deserves. You CAN do this!

With dedication to helping your family to Happy and Healthy,
Stacy Manning

P.S. Let me help you get your plan in place. I have SO been there. I want to teach you tools and strategies that help you meet your child right where he is at...make life way more doable. Your family can get to happy and healthy...let's get you all started today! Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group I can't wait to help you turn things around.
http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html