What is the Hold Up?
Just a mini rant-
How long must this go on? So many adopted and foster children and their families not getting the kind of support they need. Generations of children living with and passing on the impacts of trauma...no one talks about it. Families don't get educated. It's swept under the rug and all the while children are being born into the situation over and over again.
I was at a meeting the other night that had nothing to do with adoption or fostering - or with children at all for that matter. After the meeting closed, someone asked me what I do and I answered that I work with families and that I specialize in working with adoptive and foster families. Well let me tell you...the flood gates opened. All four women standing there lit into stories of friends and relatives who were adoptive parents with adult children who were still struggling and unfortunately those adult children were having babies as well. These women are all 15 to 20 years older than myself, which makes the adoptees they are talking about in their 40's and 50's. Here's the thing that bothered me...sure back 20 and 30 years ago we did not understand the neurology of it all. We didn't know what trauma did to a child's brain. So I get it in that case, but I am still hearing the same stories NOW.
I am contacted by families all the time who are still dealing with the same stuff! Families who are adopting children of adopted/abandoned adults. Generational attachment issues run rampant in our social service system. Families who are still not being prepared and educated about how to help their children heal. Families out there feeling alone and hopeless because there is no support. Families not talking about their journey because they don't understand that a lot of it is part of the process and not their failure as parents. Families whose members are being raked over the coals because of false allegations being believed because courts are uneducated. Families who can't send their kids to school because educators don't understand the implications of trauma and look at the parent to blame. Repeat stories of what these women were telling.
It just got me thinking...What is the hold up? Why are things not changing? If families were told the truth of most older child adoptions or foster care situations, I wonder how many would proceed. That would mean less money for the big agencies. Is that the problem, is this financially motivated? I have met with so many families that are dealing with the whole reunification concept. These foster families are caring for children who have been put through the ringer within their biological care giving system and yet are made to return to that relationship over and over again. Return to a situation where it is clear that Mom doesn't have the skills and is probably a product of generational attachment issues herself. Why are we perpetuating this phenomenon? Is it really cheaper to try to reunite every family? Why? Is it lack of knowledge? Why? We know better now. We need to do better. Do better by these children and the families who are trying to love them!
It just made me so sad to realize the generations of pain and struggle that adopted and foster children and their families have known. And what hit me even harder was that, unfortunately, it still continues on today. Okay, rant over!
Tomorrow, I will press on...Sharing my story in hopes that no one feels alone on this journey again. It is my passion and commitment to continue Educating, Empowering and Filling Families with Hope! We will get there...together!
Remember...you are NOT alone
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