I Was Thinking…
Lately it feels like I just keep going from fire to fire. The routine I try so hard to create for my kids keeps getting interrupted by life! This job is hard just on a regular day, but when life throws you a curve ball it can get even more difficult. It can create anxiety for our kids, which comes out as behaviors and choices that are not only unhealthy for them, but that create chaos in all of our lives.
My parents have had some health struggles lately and as I am the only living child, it falls to me to help. Don’t get me wrong; it is my honor to help them. They have been there for me always and now it is my turn. The reality is that I am absolutely okay helping them and my husband is a great support of me doing so; however, it is some of my kids that aren’t so flexible - they need a different level of “me” to feel safe and secure in their everyday life. They do best when I am with them. They feel unsafe when things change, especially unexpectedly. They go to survival behaviors if they feel like I am unplugged from them emotionally. Life as we know it kind of implodes!
While this kind of situation is light years ahead of where it used to be, it still happens even 13 years later! I am reminded that even though things are stressful outside our home, even though I am called on in a different role, I still need to do the work here at home as well. My kids can handle a lot more than they ever could and are growing and flourishing in many areas of their lives. But at their core they are still healing. They are still touched by their loss. It still sneaks up on them and creates times of insecurity and fear.
So, I hit myself upside the head and do what I know to do. Even 13 years later. I intentionally do those things I know helps them to hold onto our connection, even when I can’t physically be here with them. They stay calmer, life is more peaceful! I can do what I need to do for my parents and take care of my children too. It feels good. It just comes down to the fact that as parents of kids who have suffered loss and pain we still need to do the hard work even when life gets in the way! If we are Intentional Parents, we have a plan that works!