You HAVE to Know

I Was Thinking...
You HAVE to know...This is a LONG journey! 
 
Thinking "things should be better by now" is a mistake so many of us make.  
It leads us to blame ourselves and lose hope for our kids' future.  
It is a common misunderstanding of people outside of our journey too...and it often leads to more pressure, both on us and our children.
 
Being abandoned and losing that primary attachment figure is and always will be a part of our children.  We can't change that, but we can try to give them what they need to experience balance inside.  It is not always easy and it takes a long time!     
 
It takes time to:

• replace old thoughts, feelings and beliefs with new ones
• learn how to trust in others 
• truly integrate new beliefs about others and themselves into who they are
• believe they are worthy just for who they are, not what they are
• know how to be loved and to give love back
• become a family member and not just a survivor

Until I learned and accepted how long this journey is, I often found that I questioned myself, doubted myself and actually sabotaged healing.  
 
Here are some things we need to consider to be able to stay in "it" for as long as it takes...
   
Don't become complacent...see your whole child. Look beyond the behavior (good or bad) and help them work on real emotion! Help them believe they are worthy!
 
Don't stop being intentional...meet your child where THEY are, even if it is different than others.
 
Don't let survival behavior be the norm...get ahead of the game and provide for the needs of your child without him having to tell you.
 
Most importantly...don't get stuck in thinking it has been long enough!  Every child is different, every story, every family! Be clear that our children are injured - all of them - and to heal is HUGE! 

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