You've Got This!
I know what a struggle some days can be, especially when others don't even see what you are living. So here are some responses to the questions in your head...
No, you are not going crazy...your child's anxiety is creating that question in your mind; hold on tight to the truth.
Yes, your child's ugly stuff is pointed more directly at you than anyone else...he was hurt by the loss of his primary attachment figure; he's afraid to lose again.
No, having a big heart to heart discussion won't help...this is deficit NOT defiance.
Yes, your child does care about you...so much so that since he believes you will eventually abandon him (as others have), he will make it happen first so it doesn't hurt so much.
No, this moment won't be your forever...healing takes a long time and doesn't often look like we thought it would, but it IS healing all the same.
Yes, you have to be your child's external regulator for a long time...he missed out on that as a young child and needs to integrate it now.
No, you can't parent your child like everyone else...he is an individual, you need to meet him right where he is at.
Yes, always looking for the good and having hope for the future is VERY powerful...it is a gift you can give to yourself and to your child. It is life changing!
This job is probably one of, if not the most important, you will ever have....FIGHT FOR IT!
Stay true to the heart that chose it.
Nurture yourself as well as others around you.
Be sad for what could have been - be glad for what comes from now.
Start fresh each day.
Look at the whole picture always.
Be Intentional with every decision, word and action!
YOU HAVE GOT THIS!