Pretty sure that most people could figure out what my passion is within 5 minutes of talking to me. Attachment. Helping adopted & foster kiddos. Helping adoptive and foster families. It’s something I talk about ALL THE TIME.
My biological boys are blessed to have found their passions. My eldest is passionate about working with youth at a mission on a Native American Reservation. I’ve seen him walk through those halls, confidently. Grinning from ear to ear. He has discovered where he belongs and what he wants to do with his life. What a gift to have at the age of 20. My middle son eats and breathes anything related to film. Loves watching films – old and new. He sees things in the world from a cinematographer’s point of view. And he’s been known to stay up late (after I think he’s gone to bed) working on his latest screenplay. He is my creative genius. My youngest is in the discovery stage. He has really fallen in love with acting. We were fortunate to have found a school this year that focuses on acting and theater, in addition to great academics. It has been a really good fit for him this year. It will be fun to see if he decides to pursue this in the future. For my girls, it has been a longer, harder road to finding their passions. They are adopted and came to us with loss. Grief. The impacts of trauma. They came to us not knowing how to be part of our family. Not knowing who they were. They came to us just trying to survive. Over time, walls came down. We began to be able to pour into them all the things we could seamlessly pour into our boys. Love. Worth. Confidence. Hope. It was a process. A long, long process. My oldest daughter is not there yet. She has some incredible gifts. She is academically brilliant and has an amazing talent at art. But, she has not reached the stage of finding her passion. She came to our family at almost 6 years old. A lot of damage had been done. Loss. Trauma. Neglect. It shaped her. Impact the wiring of her brain. She has made a lot of progress, but has not gotten to the point of knowing who she is. What makes her tick. And, honestly, there are still times she is just getting by. But I am holding onto hope that she will reach that point someday. My youngest is dipping her toes in when it comes to passion. This year she is taking an art class. She is so talented. Wow, you should see her drawings. She has always been talented, but now she is taking some steps. Putting herself out there. Sharing her artwork. Posting it on social media. Being open to hearing from others about it. That is some great growth happening! A few years ago, my middle daughter had this amazing transformation. She finally believed she was worthy. Worthy of good things. And wow…did we see a change. She blossomed. And with that came confidence. Willingness to put herself out there. Take some risks. She has started her own business. Buying and refurbishing furniture. And she has great success. She loves what she is doing and is incredibly good at it. Yes, there are times I have needed to help her work through some things, cheer her on a little louder, but she is there. She is thriving in her passion. Passion. It’s what gives us purpose. Meaning. The fuel to get going in the morning. And what a great gift we can give our kiddos, and ourselves too.
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The other day I overheard a couple of parents talking about their teenagers. One responded with the phrase, “It is what it is.” I bit my lip because I wanted to chime in and say Seriously??
When it comes to our kiddos, we should never take the approach of It Is What It Is. Yes, there are things that we absolutely cannot change. We cannot change the fact that some of our kiddos were born to another mother. We cannot change the fact that had a deep loss when they lost their biological family. For some, they lived in orphanages. Some bounced from home to home and family to family in the foster care system. We cannot change their history, their story before they came to us. BUT…that does not mean that it is what it is. When people take on that attitude, it gives themselves permission to be done trying. To be done finding ways to lessen the impacts that those experiences have had on their kiddos. They believe that they can’t make a difference. That nothing’s going to get better. They give up hope. And guess what…their kiddos start believing that too. So...I want to encourage you to avoid the pitfalls of that kind of thinking. It is time to think and speak a very different message. “Things can get better.” “I am going to keep doing whatever I can to help my child.” “I have HOPE.” “I refuse to give up.” “My child deserves me to keep keepin’ on.” Ready to take that stance with me? Join me in my Intentional Parent Coaching Group where we are not throwing in the towel. Not accepting that things are "this is just the way it is." We are heading to change. Heading to healing. Heading to a bright future. We are doing whatever we can to help our kiddos. In my Intentional Parent Coaching Group, here's how we get there:
Your child, your family and you are worth it. Let’s get you the support and tools that are going to make a HUGE difference for your family! Looking forward to having you JOIN US! Just a quick note today from me to you...if you are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and ready to "quit", I want you to know that things can be better.
I have SO been there. Sixteen years ago, no one talked about the challenges of adopting, fostering, or kinship care. The reality is no one really knew what to do. We were hanging on tight. Just surviving. There wasn't much happiness at all. And quite honestly, I found myself totally done! I just couldn't take it anymore so I followed a hunch and that is when the shift happened. The difficult behaviors started to slow down. Connections began to strengthen. I felt like there was hope. The more INTENTIONAL I was and the more I parented my kiddos from right where they were at, the more SUCCESSFUL we all felt! With success came Self-Confidence, Energy, Trust, Joy, Connection, and so much more...the shift was life-changing for our whole family! I would be honored to share all that I now know with you. Your family can feel the shift too. My friend, it is time to break away from the old and step into the new! I have brought together everything you need to jump in and make it happen. As a member you will have all of this at your finger tips plus more:
Immerse Yourself and Live the Change - Energy. Joy. Happiness. Hope Looking forward to having you JOIN US! The other day I was listening to a woman talk about the power of positive thinking. She had been diagnosed with cancer and person after person had come to her and said I don’t know how you stay so positive through all of this. She truly believes her POSITIVE THINKING changed her life.
That got me thinking to about being in the trenches. When faced with struggles and challenges, it can be hard to stay positive. Hard to stay hopeful. Add to that complete exhaustion, and it can feel nearly impossible. I remember those days in the trenches as an adoptive parent. It was hard to stay positive. I’ve always been a positive, hopeful person, but my girls came to me hurting. Grieving. Struggling. Hopeless. Feeling unworthy and unlovable. And that quickly turned into acting out. Tantrums. Meltdowns. Push back behaviors. And my hopefulness and positive attitude went out the window. Here’s the problem…when I lost hope, my kiddos couldn’t have hope. In fact, even my husband couldn’t have hope. And my negative attitude did nothing to help the problem, it only made things worse. A whole lot worse. So I needed to shift my attitude. Well, let me rephrase that. I chose to change my attitude. I chose to focus on positive thinking. I chose to hold onto hope. Now, that doesn’t mean I look at things unrealistically. I don’t. In fact, I look at where my kiddos are very clearly, very realistically. I meet each one of them where they are at. But I look at that with a positive outlook. An attitude of I AM making difference. We ARE working on things. My child DOES have a bright future. And I WILL do whatever I can to help them reach that. It’s what they deserve. As an Intentional Parent, it’s my job! There are times, my attitude gets a little shaky. My hope waivers. That’s when I remind myself of how far we’ve come and where we’re headed. So…focus on the positive. Look at how far you’ve come. Even though you may feel like it at times, you’re not throwing in the towel. You are working hard at helping your child heal. REALLY hard. And focus on where you want to be headed! The future is BRIGHT and you are going to make it happen! I want to share some EXCITING news with you!
Probably the part of my Intentional Parent Coaching Group that parents find the most helpful are the LIVE sessions. They get to pick my brain, ask their questions, and get a plan specific to their kiddo’s needs, one that works for their family. It’s the piece where they get the support they really need. I got to thinking. If that part is really helping parents, let’s make it easier for them. So…starting this week, we are going to now do those calls weekly. Meeting online LIVE every week. Having a rough month? You will have the opportunity to ask me your questions. Every single week. You don’t have to wait until the next month. Can’t make a call? You will get the recording, but you will also know that there will be another call next week. And the week after. And the week after. You get the idea. Every single week. I want to come alongside you and give you all the support & tools you need to feel empowered and supported to get your family no longer just surviving, but actually THRIVING! In my Intentional Parent Coaching Group, you'll get:
Your child, your family and you are worth it. Let’s get you the support and tools that are going to make a HUGE difference for your family! Looking forward to having you JOIN US! My two kiddos who are homeschooled are graduating this year. So I came up with what I call a Brilliant Idea – a senior project. Each project is tailored to each child and taps into their passions, their strengths, and some areas they need to work on.
The first step for each of them is to create a vision board. They will have to look out a little ways, not just what is right in front of them. Where do they want to go? What are their goals? And of course, it got me thinking about us parents on this journey… When I was in the trenches years ago, most days I didn’t look too far out into the future. I was just surviving and that meant going day by day, and sometimes minute by minute. When I did look to the future, it often worried more. What if my daughter didn’t attach? What if her tantrums and meltdowns and all those push back behaviors didn’t improve? Would we still be dealing with that every single day, even years down the road. It became easier to not look forward. And the reality is, I was too tired and too busy putting out fires to give the future a whole lot of thought. But that wasn’t really helping me get to where I wanted my family to be. So I shifted. I started looking out ahead. How did I want my family to be? What were my goals for myself, for my family, for my kiddos? It was time to start having a vision. Goals. A brighter future. And here’s the deal…once I was clear of where we were headed and the goals I had for my family, it gave me the motivation to figure out how to get us there. It helped me get unstuck. And we all know that if Mom is stuck, we’re really not going anywhere. I encourage you to look out ahead. Imagine how you want your family life to look. Picture your kiddos where you hope they will be rather than where you worry they will be. Write down your goals – for you as a parent, for your family. Have a destination of where you are headed. Make a vision board. And once you have a vision of where you are going, then you can work on getting there. The future IS bright. It may not be how you originally thought it would be when you first started on this journey, but I assure you, there is hope. So focus on your goals, your dreams, your hopes and then do whatever you can to get you and your family there. Ready to get your family headed in the direction of healing and thriving? Come and join my Intentional Parent Coaching Group Today! And we'll get you going... http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html I understand. I really do. As adoptive & foster parents, the questioning. The doubting. The exhaustion. The feeling that nothing is working. The “I’ve tried everything” thinking. The worry. The fear of the future. Trust me, I get it.
BUT…I want to encourage you, to challenge you, to set those aside. Exhausted? Yes, you are! Parenting a hurt child is a BIG job. An exhausting job. But here’s where I’m going to ask you to set that aside. WHEN you get tools that work, and the support you need & deserve, it is less exhausting. Way less exhausting. SO…let’s get you tools that actually work. Let’s get you some new techniques that will make things a whole lot easier. Let’s get you SUPPORT. Nothing working? Oh boy, do I understand that. When we first adopted our girls 16 years ago, I parented with the tools that were working great with my biological children. Guess what…they weren’t working with my girls. I had to parent from a whole different angle. I researched, tried new ways of parenting, and let me tell you, that was a game changer for my girls. A game changer for me. A game changer for my entire family. SO…let me teach you a different way of parenting, a way that will make a BIG difference in YOUR family! Worried about the future? Your child’s future? Your future? Oh do I remember that feeling. I worried a lot! How would my girls function out in the world as adults? Would my oldest would end up in jail? How is all of the chaos impacting my boys? Worried about my future – would we still be struggling like this for the rest of our lives? So…let’s turn that worry into ACTION. Let’s get you and your family into a bright future. Things can be WAY BETTER! I want to personally invite you to my Intentional Parent Coaching Group for adoptive and foster parents. A group of adoptive & foster parents who truly understand. Who get it. Who live it. Connecting on a CLOSED Facebook page. Tools and strategies that actually work. An entire learning library of full length courses.. Weekly Q & A sessions where you can pick my brain, get YOUR questions answered, and get a plan for YOUR family. It's time set those worries, fears, and doubts aside and move to a brighter, hopeful future. It is time to take the leap! Change and healing are happening! Come and join my Intentional Parent Coaching Group Today! And we'll get you going... http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html Can't wait to work together. I just have a short message for you today. And it is the most important few lines I will ever say to you...
Never call yourself a failure as a parent in any way, shape or form. You show up everyday - no matter what. You give more of yourself than anyone could ask. You forgive and start fresh over and over again. You love and love and love. You are the root of successes and hope day after day. There is NOTHING I am more sure of -YOU are your child's BEST Chance at Healing! I was thinking back to when we first adopted our girls 16 years ago. Very few people in my life understood what we were going through. They just didn’t understand because they weren’t living it. As time went on, I started leading groups for other adoptive and foster parents. Wow! What a difference. To sit in a room with people who truly understood. So many times someone would say (usually with tears), “I thought I was the only one.”
There is nothing quite like the feeling of being with people who get it. Because they are on the same path. Because they live it. Because they truly understand. No judging. No questioning. Just understanding and support. This journey of parenting that we are on can be a lonely one. Others often don’t get it so they judge. Question. Or even worse…stay away. Thanks to the internet, we can reach out and find others who do get it. And now with Facebook, there are pages and pages of support groups of parents walking the same path. Suddenly, we are not the only one. Suddenly, we are not alone. BUT, here’s the problem… While there is a value to being with those who get it, often there is a piece missing. A big piece. A VITAL piece. Often there is not a way forward. Not tools or guidance to lead parents to change, to healing. Not a mentor who has not only been in the trenches, but who has made it to the other side. I have been part of many groups. Yes, they truly understand. They get it. Often, they are a place to share stories. A place to vent. A place to be heard. A place to be encouraged. But…isn’t the goal more than that? Aren’t we really trying to achieve change? Growth? Healing? So…when I designed my Intentional Parent Coaching Group, I’ve made sure to have all the pieces. A group of parents who truly understand. Who get it. Who live it. Connecting on a CLOSED Facebook page. Tools and strategies to give parents to move forward. Tools that actually work. A mentor who has been in the trenches (trust me, I’ve been DEEP in the trenches), but who has made it to the other side. An entire learning library of full length courses. Quick Two Minute Tidbits – small nuggets you can take in and put into play that will make a difference. Q & A sessions where you can pick my brain, get YOUR questions answered, and get a plan for YOUR family. Intentional Parent Coaching Group is where CHANGE & HEALING are happening! Come and join my Intentional Parent Coaching Group Today! And we'll get you going... http://www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group.html Can't wait to work together. The other day, my kiddos were reminiscing about some of the great field trips we’ve been on over the years. Historical museums, a Native American center, the Science Museum, a fort, and so many more.
My boys talked about the time we went to an indoor rock climbing gym. Some of my kids tried rock climbing for the first time, while a couple cheered them on from the sidelines. I have to say, there was a range of emotions. Excitement. Anxiety. Fear. Trepidation. Pride. As we were remembering and talking about it, I thought it seemed like a great analogy for what we are doing as parents. Our kiddos are growing, climbing, stretching, reaching, and trying new things. But thankfully, they get to do it in the same fashion my kids got to do rock climbing. With a harness. With someone below holding the rope, assuring their safety. With someone offering guidance – reach to your left, put your foot on that hold. With someone cheering them on. With someone saying “You’ve got this!” And with someone to cheer them on and pick them back up if they didn’t succeed. For many of our kiddos, their start in life was without a harness, without an assurance of safety. As we put those measures in place, they may not trust it. Some may even feel uncomfortable, too vulnerable. They may fight against it. But…with consistency, time, and commitment, they can begin to trust our safety net – and just imagine the new heights they will be able to reach! So…keep on being your child’s safety net. His harness. His guide. His cheerer. His support. P.S.-If you need help building that Safety Net, I would personally love to help you do that. And I have created the absolute best "place" to do it. The Intentional Parent Coaching Group - get started today! www.tohavehope.com/intentional-parent-coaching-group |
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